As we went to press this week Congressional Republicans began committee hearings with the intent of defunding the Obama administrations key foreclosure alternative program known as HAMP (Home Affordable Modification Program). Also targeted are the FHA’s Refinance Program and two other relief programs that while not entirely successful by any standards, have helped hundreds of thousands of homeowners nationwide.
Funds for the assistance programs were allocated under last year’s Dodd-Frank bill. Other than pointing to the cost savings, Republicans offered no substitute alternatives that might keep homeowners in their homes. As the crisis created by their Wall Street masters deepens, when asked for help by struggling homeowners, the party of no answers simply says, “Hell, no,” or so it seems.
And the Oscar goes to …
An Inside Job … the terrific documentary about the financial meltdown is a must-see for anyone with a curiosity and desire to hear the truth about Great Depression II.
Filmmakers Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs laser blast Big Bad Banking and expose them for the criminals they truly are. And the only person serving time and stripped of his assets? Bernie Madoff, who by volume comparison of money stolen is a small fish in a sea of institutionalized larceny.
Do yourself a favor and see this movie. Until we get mad about what was done and demand justice, the thieves will just keep doing what thieves do best.
Sad but true …
Last month, our good friend MSNBC’s Chris Matthews called on viewers to flood the U.S. Senate switchboard with calls calling for President Obama’s Department of Justice to investigate the run-up to the Iraq war. He’s angry that no one’s been brought up on charges.
With the halting, temporary extension of the much-maligned Patriot Act only good for 90 days, here’s my satirical take on the lack of prosecutorial zeal evident from Hope/Change HQ as caught on tape by my authorized wiretap of Secretary Holder’s office line.
Voice of unidentified administrative assistant: Secretary Holder, Lord Cheney calling for you on Alpha 1.
Holder: Good Morning, Eminence!
Cheney: (snarling like Burgess Meredith’s The Penguin) Holder, I need to order up an investigation.
Holder: Of course, my Lord. Who are we after this time? Community organizers? Wisconsin Democrats? Subprime homeowners? GOP moderates?
Cheney: Matthews.
Holder: Sir?
Cheney: Chris Matthews! You know the d-bag over there at More Subversive News By Communists. Heh heh heh heh … That’s what we call MSNBC down here in the bunker.
Holder: Lord Cheney, Chris Matthews is a respected journalist with a huge international following. I just can’t …
Cheney: (interrupting) You can and you will. That pinhead called on Americans to flood the Senate with demands for another Iraq war inquiry. Something about 4,400 dead Americans and 100,000 dead Iraqis. False premises, no WMD’s. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t need that horse hockey now. I’m down to my last ventricle, here.
Holder: A free and unfettered press is the cornerstone of our democracy.
Cheney: Don’t make me laugh. I told you my pacemaker’s about as effective as the CIA operation in Egypt. Are you trying to kill me?
Holder: (frustrated) No, my Lord. It’s just that you’ve had me on a very short leash. I can’t look at Bush. I can’t look at Rove. No Wall Street arrests. Greenspan and that little snot Geithner stroll around D.C. like they own the place. And don’t get me started on Clarence Thomas and that teabagger wife of his. Man, those two are low-hanging fruit! I’m supposed to be the top cop in the country. Damn, I ain’t even the top dogcatcher.
Cheney: Listen, you’ll do what I tell you to do or the only pick-up game you’ll be playing is with bar soap in a Guantanamo shower. Am I clear?
Holder: Yes, Eminence …
Unidentified Child’s Voice: Pardon me, pardon me!
Holder: Is that your grandson, Sir?
Cheney: No … It’s Scooter. Scooter! Not now! Listen, Holder, I want this Matthews thing tidied up pronto. We both know what’s gonna happen if you don’t. And don’t make me unleash the “twin terrors” on your Sunday morning liberal-elite news cronies.
Holder: (trembling) What? You mean (audible gulp) Liz and Lynne? Together?
Cheney: Bingo. Hey, ol’ buddy, we still good for the quail hunt?
Holder: (sighing) Oh, Christ.
Jim Abbott is the President/Managing Broker of ARG Abbott Realty Group DRE LIC 1843472. He serves on the Board of Directors of the Nat’l. Assn of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals. He is a former board member at EQCA, SDAR, CAR and a past Library Commissioner for the City of San Diego. He can be reached at info@argsd.com or at his downtown office where his adult children pretend to let him run the company.
This is hysterical and has all the makings of a successful screen play. One of the few things worthy of sharing with my friends and clients. Thanks for the laugh!
Jim Abbott’s clever political satire in the form of a Holder/Cheney phone tap conversation hit my funny bone hard with his timely observations of absurd topical irony and creative use of mind challenging and stimulating memory recall of hard to forget situations.
Twisting historical political bloops into absurd comical truths are obviously Mr. Abbott’s specialty.
We’ve all met someone who epitomizes the role of jaded “Bitter and Angry” (add Queen if it fits) skeptical cynic when it comes to discussing current political events. Mr. Abbott doesn’t hide his honest contempt for his misguided subject targets….A direct hit Bull’s-eye comes swiftly and effortlessly with few words.
Transforming each fictitious characters scripted dialogue from facetious to ridiculously believable is a unique approach to pure delightful satirical writing.
Mr. Abbott’s humorist writing is a refreshing deviation from his frequently published interviews requesting expert advice and insight regarding all matters relating to the real-estate profession.
Well done sir, more witty satire please.
AMEN!!