Local resident Shindana Perryman, 32, and her partner Oraisa Ingle, 34, knew they wanted children from the very beginning of their 12-year relationship. Perryman and Ingle understood they would never physically have their own children, but that did not prevent them from searching out adoption agencies that could help them realize their lifelong dream of building a family.
After exploring different agencies, the lesbian couple settled on Walden Family Services, a private, non-profit foster care and adoption agency located on Mission Gorge Road. With the help of Beth Barnes, the executive director of adoptions, Perryman and Ingle began filling out paperwork in late 2008 and by January 2009, they were enrolled in classes and on their way to being certified foster parents – a process that can take anywhere from two months up to one year.
“Our requirement is that you are able to support yourself, aren’t dependent on any reimbursement that you get for the child in your home, that you pass background checks and that you provide a safe and loving home,” Barnes said. “You can be single, coupled, LGBT or straight and you don’t have to own your own home.”
Perryman said the process came about easily. She and Ingle began by allowing the agency to conduct a home study, which allows a social worker to visit the potential home three times to assess the family’s history and lifestyle. Once completed, the couple underwent a background check, complied with California’s home safety regulations – such as having enough bedrooms – and attended parenting classes.
The couple became foster parents in 2009, and since then the couple has opened their doors for seven children. They currently care for a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old.
“We grow attached to the kids, but we know we’re temporary parents,” Perryman said. “We give them the same amount of love and attention, and we always hope that if their biological parents are willing and able, they can get them back.”
But in many cases, the court terminates parental rights and children become available for adoption, which Perryman and Ingle are preparing for. After they have fostered a child for six months, and that child is available for adoption, the adoption will be finalized. The couple expects to be adoptive parents by the end of this year.
“A lot of people don’t know that you can be homosexual and adopt in the state of California, which is surprising!” Perryman said. “We don’t know of too many people gay or straight that have adopted. I think a lot of people feel it’s harder than it really is.”
Perryman and Ingle’s experience has been smoother because they are open to any children, of any age and of any gender, but Walden Services can match specific children referred from the Polinsky Center in San Diego or statewide to families. If personally requested, Walden Services is willing to match LGBTQ teens with LGBT families who have a heart for helping children who are dealing with issues specific to the community.
Outside of prepping the home for safety, there is no cost to families and a reimbursement is given to help to raise and care for the foster or adoptive child.
“Don’t just think about it and sit on it,” said Ingle,” just do it because there are a lot of kids that need a home.”
Most of Walden’s children are taken from abusive or neglectful homes, and face living in group homes without parents and a loving support system.
“There is a myth that foster kids are bad kids and that couldn’t be further from the truth,” Barnes said. “Kids become foster kids because of poor decisions their parents make. Our kids see more and experience more than the average kids do and sometimes that results in behaviors and they need therapy. But we have kids that are really resilient. I think every child deserves to be in a loving home.”
After fostering seven children, Perryman and Ingle have never had a negative experience. Ingle says she finds the children she’s helped raise have the issues and problems that every child has – the only difference is they don’t have a home. There are currently over 5,000 children under state care and with many people hesitant to care for foster children or adopt, thousands are without a home, parental love and are robbed of normal childhood development.
“People wait for the right time, but there is no right time,” Perryman said. “Don’t put it off ‘til tomorrow. Look into it and know that (LGBT couples) are able to adopt.”
