Meet the founders of the Web site that helps gay dads navigate fatherhood
With Father’s Day rapidly approaching, children across the country are planning ways to celebrate their dad. From making hand print artwork to selecting a new tie, kids have many options when it comes to showing their dad how much they care.
While many kids have just one dad to worry about when choosing the perfect gift, some lucky kids have not one but two dads. These are the families that the Web site, Gays with Kids (gayswithkids.com), targets with advice and personal stories.
Gays with Kids is the brainchild of Brian Rosenberg and Ferd van Gameren. After becoming dads in 2009 with the adoption of their son, Levi, the couple found a severe lack of resources available for gay dads.
“We were surprised to find that the parenting industry seemed only to acknowledge mom for creating and raising the family,” expressed the duo. “Wherever we went, even if there were other dads, we were always the only gay dads.”
Immediately, they saw an opportunity to create their own community that would unite gay dads and provide a place for them to share their stories of fatherhood. However, they had their hands full with their son and twin daughters, Ella and Sadie, who were born via surrogate just 17 months after their brother. The plans to build the Web site were temporarily put on hold.
“As soon as our last child transitioned from diapers to underwear a few years later, we finally had the time to turn our vision into reality,” said the pair.
Gays with Kids launched in June 2014 and has steadily grown over the past two years. The Web site is rapidly approaching 1,000 articles published and regularly sees an increase in monthly visitors.
“We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of gratitude we continue to receive, literally, from around the world,” said Rosenberg and van Gameren. “We’ve heard from people thanking us for the work we do to give visibility to our families in ways that are both positive and accurate, to remove feelings of isolation felt by some and to inspire future gay dads.”
Especially touching are the messages they receive from gay dads in countries where persecution of gays is common These individuals write to express their gratitude for offering hope that someday they may be able to live their lives freely.
Rosenberg and van Gameren, on the other hand, have been lucky enough to live in largely accepting communities, such as their current home in New York City and their former in Toronto. However, while they experienced the support of family and friends when they began their journey into fatherhood, they still faced questions from the general community.
“We find ourselves coming out all the time: to teachers, our kids’ classmates, their parents, doctors, people in the street,” the two explained. “Many people, not to mention the parenting industry in general, seem to think that mom is solely responsible for raising the family. As such, we’re shocked by some of the very personal and inappropriate questions we’ve received by people we’re just meeting.”
In a YouTube video called Things People Ask Gay Dads, they poke fun at some of the questions and statements that random people have made over the years. Some common inquiries they’ve received include, “How much did you pay for (the baby)?” “Are you raising (the child) gay?” and “Maybe (the crying child) needs mommy?”
While the couple has a good sense of humor, which is evident in the comical tone of the video, they also include serious topics on their Web site, ranging from ways to start a family to tips for raising kids of all ages.
Rosenberg and van Gameren recognized that one of the big parts of starting their Web site would be for them to share their personal story of becoming dads. Over the past couple of years, they’ve been open about sharing stories as a transracial family as well as talking about Brian being HIV+ and being the biological father of the couple’s twin daughters.
“We hope that each of the stories we publish serve to educate and inspire future gay dads, and that going public with our own story helps others know that we can relate on a personal level,” said the couple.
When choosing content for the Web site, the pair uses their own experiences as well as searching the web for relevant stories to share and receiving messages from fellow gay dads with a story to share.
One of the Web site’s weekly features is to share the story of a long-term gay couple who have been together for at least 10 years and have kids. This serves to inspire future gay dads and provide a resource for current gay dads.
Whether you’re already a father or simply hope to be one day, Gays with Kids can provide you with insight and advice to navigate the world of gay fatherhood.
For gay men who aspire to be a father someday, Rosenberg and van Gameren encourage you to “go for it!” They’ve even created a free e-book that can help to lead you down the path to becoming a dad, either via surrogacy or adoption.
“You can absolutely make your dreams of fatherhood come true and there are many different paths to follow,” the pair said. “Just do your research to make sure you find the best path for you.”
They also offered a valuable piece of advice for current gay dads on how to help the children feel welcome in a world that’s not always understanding of kids with two dads.
“Please make sure that your kids know other kids who come from families that look like their own,” said Rosenberg and van Gameren. “If you cannot find them in person, try to connect virtually. No doubt your child will find that the best person to relate to his or her situation is someone growing up in a similar family situation.”
With the two year anniversary of the Web site’s launch, there are a few big updates on the horizon. Gays with Kids is currently preparing to launch an e-commerce store in the next week or two. The online shop will offer clothing geared specifically for gay dad families.
They’re also looking to launch a community membership app in the future to reach more gay dads.
Want to connect with Gays with Kids? You can share your personal stories of fatherhood by sending an email to dads@gayswithkids.com or connect with them on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. gayswithkids.com
