Halloween is approaching! Masks and costumes are for sale in every store throughout our community! This is the spooky, scary, delightful time of year where the creative, fun-loving kid inside all of us gets to plan, develop and create our costume. Our individual and collective imaginations come together to experience one of our favorite times of the year in Hillcrest. After our Pride celebration in the summer, we have Nightmare on Normal Street, bringing out the best of our community’s creativity to scare and wow you with entertainment.
As a marriage and family therapist and a licensed advanced alcohol and drug counselor, I have met many wonderful people seeking to make significant changes in their lives to regain their lost hopes and dreams. These are our partners, wives, husbands, parents, neighbors, co-workers and friends. They come into treatment with the awareness of their substance abuse and its impact on the quality of their mental health. They come into treatment with a willingness to change, learn about substance dependency and unravel a life deeply affected by the ongoing use of alcohol and other drugs. Many of them present to us as quite “normal” on the outside, yet they are tormented internally by the knowledge of their dependence on substances to manage daily living.
Individuals come to treatment and often will state, “I don’t want anyone to know I am here.” They are referring to their concerns that, should others find out they are in treatment, those people will pass judgment on them. The individuals entering treatment are keenly aware of the cultural stigma of being someone who struggles with addiction and mental health issues. The secret life of their substance abuse has kept them isolated from the caring support of those closest to them. Addicts are experts at masking their truths. When a new patient comes through our doors, treatment professionals are often asked, “What do I have to change?” The answer is everything. From the obvious start of abstaining from addictive substances to beginning the journey of exploring what lies beneath the surface of her life, the person seeking to make change begins to have the opportunity to take off the many masks covering her authentic self.
The masks we wear can be largely positive and serve as useful coping mechanisms to help us manage the complexity of social situations and the demands of our lives. The masks of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender population may be the learned protection to keep themselves safe from homophobia and shaming approaches. The masks gathered during the escalating abuse of substances further deepen the secret life of our LGBT suffering addict. No longer are the secrets functional, and the addict has achieved greater distance between who he is and he was prior to the untreated mental health issues and the increased dependency on substances to fit in and feel normal.
Left to our own best intentions, it can be incredibly challenging to make changes to behaviors we know are unhealthy and keep us detached from our authentic selves. As treatment professionals, we are fully behind an individual’s choice to make change. We recognize the need for safety and trust before anyone will be comfortable with even slightly exposing their most vulnerable areas of self. There have been enormous changes in how our society views the life of a gay person. I vividly recall how when I was a young lesbian woman and the thought of coming out to my family and co-workers seemed an overwhelming and risky task. For many years, my friends and I hid behind a lifestyle that kept our true authentic selves safely tucked away behind the mask. Letting others know who we truly were carried risk of rejection and judgment. Treatment centers were unknown to us in my young adult years. How wonderful that now, 40 plus years later, there are a plethora of options for any in our LGBT family who are seeking help!
As a treatment professional, I can now reach out to serve people who have decided it’s time to make a change. As a proud member of the LGBT family, I can be an integral part of designing treatment programs by listening and understanding the people coming to us for help. Foundations San Diego brings to the Hillcrest community a compassionate team of professionals to slowly but surely peel back the onion and remove the maladaptive masks. We are here to listen and to provide you the opportunity to join others in their journey to seek a life free of substance abuse. Be proud and make the decision today to shed those masks of addiction and other lifestyle choices that have pulled you away from the life you hoped to live.
Patricia Bathurst, LMFT, is the director of Foundations San Diego, an outpatient recovery facility located in Hillcrest at 3930 Fourth Ave., Suite 301, San Diego, CA 92103. Ms. Bathurst is a certified advanced addiction counselor as well as a licensed marriage and family therapist. Questions for Pat? Contact Foundations San Diego at 619-321-1575.
