In mid-May, my editor emailed me some ideas for a possible story on the leather community for an upcoming issue. The story was to cover the leather community in terms of its people and values.
I was intrigued by the questions and accepted to do the story. I’ve gone to a couple of leather/fetish related socials, but never considered myself a member of the community. I was interested in learning more.
I decided to gather a group of a little more than a half dozen members of the community – some of its elders and newer members – that could help inform me about it, such as what defines it, what are its major organizations, who are its leaders, as well as other questions. For information on the members interviewed, go to LGBTweekly.com
After interviewing these members in two separate group interviews, I received a wealth of knowledge and insights, many of which I had to leave out. The final interview, published here, is a synthesis of some of the major topics covered.
Before I begin, I must say that first and foremost I learned that today’s community is not so much a leather community, but rather a leather, kink, fetish community, as several members helped inform me, which is where I begin this interview.
Rick Braatz: Can you define the leather, kink, fetish community?
Anne Romano: Somebody described it to me as fetish is what gets us hard, kink is how we sustain being hard and leather is our heart. Someone told me that a long time ago and it made a lot of sense.
AJ: Not everyone identifies with each of those labels because there are people who are kinky, but aren’t leather, people who have fetishes, but don’t have kinks and aren’t leather and there are people who go in and out of all three.
Sir Erik: We are talking about radical sexuality, about things that would be considered outside the mainstream, outside normal. That’s what ultimately defines the leather, kink, fetish community.
What does it mean to be a part of the community?
Sir Jo: It’s about exploring our own selves, identifying our own lifestyles. It’s about going into eroticism, sexuality, pushing limits, going to the edge with your fantasies, with the fear you have to face. Its about going into a whole different realm that sends you into transcending. Its about what you walk with and who you become or who you have already been but have been afraid to express.
Eli Correa: It’s all individual too. It’s about finding yourself and who you are. No one can tell you where you’re at and where you need to be. It’s living in the moment. Exploring boundaries and getting into that ecstasy not through drugs but with the natural high of being in a place you thought you’d never be in, even spiritually. It’s that place where you find yourself, you learn about yourself and you begin to be comfortable with who you are, and that’s the biggest thing.
Is this primarily a sexual community?
Tom Dickerson: Yes and no. There’s sex that goes on, but sex and play are distinct. It’s not all the same. One can be to the other, but it’s not necessary. Say that you are into bondage. That gets you off. You’re tied up and excited. Sex could happen, but it doesn’t have to.
Wish Linda: And many times it can be much deeper than just sex; it can be spiritual, it can be transformative; it can open connections between people that are deeper than typical people have together, and so a lot of what we do is very deep. It’s emotional and bonding and affirming in ways that I hadn’t found in another community.
Is it primarily an LGBT community?
Anne Romano: When I first got here, 17 years ago, it was very gay oriented; the gay people were the power people in the community. They were running Club X and Leather Fest [the former is a major community organization, the latter is an annual community event] and all that. And that changed over and the straightish people – because it’s really difficult to say that anybody in the leather community is actually straight – took it over, and then they ran it for a while, and then it went back over to when it was primarily gay. So it goes through these cycles. I’ve watched it do that four or five times since I’ve been here. Right now, it’s in its straight cycle.
How many people would you say are active in the community?
Sir Jo: 500
Anne Romano: That sounds about right.
AJ: Privately? Its probably in the hundreds of thousands. There is such an underground community out there of people who are into leather or kink or fetish or BDSM [bondage dominance, sadism and masochism] or all of them, some, or none at the same time and it’s so incredibly huge that it seriously boggles the mind.
What are some of the values of the community?
Wish Linda: Every single person under the leather, kink, fetish umbrella is completely individual about what they’re into, what they believe in; however, there’s a few universal rules that we adhere to – safe, sane, and consensual – that’s very core for some of the rules that we follow; but there’s no way to define any two people under that umbrella the same.
Tom Dickerson: Trust is very important to us. You have to act like your life depends on it, because it might. Say you like bondage. Suppose that something goes wrong?
That’s a serious thing. So you need to be able to trust that person, because your life might depend on it. When things go wrong, they go wrong really quickly and sometimes very badly. And you need to be able to handle that as well. Not every scene is wonderful. Not every scene do you get what you want. Sometimes they just go wrong. Sometimes the chemistry between two people just isn’t there and it doesn’t work. Instead of realizing that, they force it, and then things go wrong.
What are the major organizations?
Eli Correa: The primaries are Club X, TNG [The Next Generation] and Fetish Men San Diego.
Wish Linda: There are just so many.
Sir Jo: It changes so much. A lot of stuff happens privately for a lot of different reasons.
Aaron Duke: I would like to mention the San Diego Eagle, our only remaining leather bar. The Eagle and its staff have been very supportive of the leather community.
Can you tell me about one of those organizations?
Sir Erik: Well the mission of TNG is to create a safer space for young adults that are into kink to feel heard, respected and valued and given a place to explore that. It’s pansexual, so every orientation, gender expression, leather, fetish, kink [is represented] – as long as you’re a perv in some way. Its all consent based, asking before touching and negotiation. There is an educational part to it as well. We have two socials a month with around 80 people; we have a discussion group every month with between 30 to 60 people depending on what we’re talking about; and then we do play parties quarterly with over 100 folks.
Who are the leaders of the community?
Eli Correa: The titleholders to some degree.
Wish Linda: Aaron and I were selected to serve as Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather this year, serving as representatives and the “public face” of our community. As such we provide information, share history and make connections for people who are interested. We work with a broad spectrum of people throughout the broader community in local and national fundraising, committee membership, supporting relevant political causes and advocacy/education.
Aaron Duke: Being Mr. San Diego Leather, a lot of things I do aren’t just based in the leather community. I’m also out there being an ambassador or representative of our community, like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Imperial Court and things like that; fundraisers, social events, educational events etc.
Tom Dickerson: Titleholders are the subject matter experts. Not that they know everything, but they know where to go to find out. If someone approaches Aaron and says, ‘you know I want to do needle play’
Aaron Duke: I’d know where exactly to go.
How does one get involved?
Eli Correa: I started getting involved by volunteering. I asked what was going on, what events were coming up and how I could help. Just kind of being there; being a part of making things better; volunteering for registration; volunteering to set up tents, or even being a part of our local Pride. Just showing up. That’s the biggest thing – just showing up and helping with whatever that needs to be helped with. There’s always something that needs to be done. That’s what I love about it.
Leather, kink, fetish groups in San Diego
San Diego has more than a dozen active leather, kink and fetish groups. Many of them can be found on the social networking Web site FetLife, which serves those interested in leather, kink and fetish.
Fetish Men San Diego
Club X San Diego
San Diego The Next Generation
https://fetlife.com/groups/7272
San Diego Dominance & Submission
http://fetlife.com/groups/6933
Submissive Voice – San Diego
http://fetlife.com/groups/17723
For more groups, visit: http://bit.ly/19j1Pfe. Viewers must first sign up for a free account.
Who’s who
AJ, aka Ajax, aka Sister Amanda Reckinwith
Age: 37
Affiliations: The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, San Diego ROMP, Boys of Leather
Titles: Knight of Leather 2005, San Diego Leather Daddy 2004
Years active in the leather, fetish, kink community: 15
Years active in the San Diego leather, fetish, kink community: 10
Sexual identity: gay
Leather, kink, fetish role: Daddy, Dom, Domina/trix
Wish Linda
Age: 55
Affiliations: Women in Leather International
Titles: Ms San Diego Leather 2012
Years active in community: 6
Years active in San Diego’s community: 6
Sexual identity: Open sexual
Role: Femme leather-sexual switch
Eli Correa
Age: 30
Affiliations: Fetish Men San Diego
Titles: Mr. San Diego Eagle 2012
Years active in community: 6
Years active in San Diego’s community: 2
Sexual identity: gay
Role: None
Sir Jo
Age: 55
Affiliations: The Next Generation
Titles: Ms. San Diego 1999, International Ms. Leather 2000
Years active in community: 25
Years active in San Diego’s community: 25
Sexual identity: gay/butch
Role: Sir, Top, Daddy; mentor, advisor, elder
Annie Romano
Age: 58
Affiliations: San Diego ROMP (producer), Butch Revue (producer), Mr. & Ms. San Diego Leather (producer),
Titles: I am Ms. World Leather 2001 and Ms. San Diego Leather 1998
Years active in community: 23
Years active in San Diego’s community: 17
Sexual identity: Dyke
Role: Switch, boy, an old school leather woman
Tom Dickerson
Age: 57
Affiliations: None
Titles: None
Years active in community: 1982
Years active in San Diego’s community: 1993
Sexual identity: gay
Role: Sir
Aaron Duke
Age: 33
Affiliations: Club X, Fetish Men San Diego
Titles: Mr. San Diego Leather 2012
Years active in community: 15
Years active in San Diego’s community: 1.5
Sexual identity: gay
Role: None
Sir Erik
Age: 37
Affiliations: San Diego The Next Generation (leader)
Titles: None
Years active in community: 16
Years active in San Diego’s community: 10
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Role: Genderqueer, Switch
LGBT Weekly
Letter to the Editor:
RE: San Diego Leather Community Article
Thank you for sharing a brief overview of the leather, kink, fetish community in San Diego. I encourage anyone who wants to know more about who we are to reach out and find us!
I am compelled to expand on a quote that was attributed to me in the Leather Community article in response to the question: Who are the (Leather) community leaders?
I understand that the article was significantly edited for brevity but the published answer to that question misrepresents the broader discussion with the author and does not accurately reflect my view.
There is a very important distinction between the published quote (which basically says that Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather are the community leaders) and the truth.
The truth is that there are a number of individuals who are actively working in the community who can be considered “community leaders”. There are also a number of leather people who may not necessarily be actively participating in the public community who I personally identify as “leaders” and who have supported me (and many others) in ways that have literally changed my life.
This distinction is reflective of a personal core value that defines me as a Leather Woman and its importance cannot be overlooked.
Mr. and Ms. San Diego Leather certainly have a very visible and active role in the community, but we strive to carry out our work with a large dose of humility and respect to others, hopeful that they might recognize the carrying forward of some of their own goodness and values reflected through us as we serve as their community representative for the duration of our title year.
Thank you for the opportunity to share this clarification.
Wish Linda
Ms. San Diego Leather 2012
Nicely written and well balanced piece.
Thank You!
Enjoyed the article, new to the leather scene. Does Tom Dickerson have a website?.