“God … bring down retribution on my persecutors.” Jeremiah 15:15
Oh, Jeremiah is mad! Jeremiah was calling upon God to inflict pain and punishment on his tormentors – it hurt even more because they used to be friends, now they’re enemies. These are tough, harsh words from the mouth of an angry man.
Jeremiah had reached his limit. Jeremiah had hit a wall! Jeremiah had done his best to be obedient in speaking God’s word to the people. And what did he receive in return? Pain and persecution – and worse yet – rejection!
The passion he felt for his people had turned to anger. His conviction for his vocation had been transformed into disillusionment! He was angry with everyone and everything. Jeremiah found himself in a wilderness. As theologian J.Holub says, “A wilderness of bitterness.” Jeremiah was living in a kind of exile; the exile of his own anger and despair.
He was angry with his persecutors, many of whom were, more than likely, his own friends and neighbors, “God … bring down retribution on my persecutors,” he shouted in God’s face. Jeremiah was one angry individual!
Not only was he angry at others, he was furious with God. Confronting God, feeling forsaken and forgotten in the task that God called him to fulfill, Jeremiah shook his fist in the face of God and said, “You are a deceitful brook, like waters that fail.”
I think Jeremiah was even angry at himself for following God’s call in the first place (1:4-10). Jeremiah had insisted that he was too young and too inexperienced for such a mission. And now he was in a situation – and complaining.
Any love, any affection, any compassion Jeremiah might have had for his people, for his God, for his own calling, had evaporated like the marine layer in May; burned away by the blistering sun of hurt and rejection. He had hit a wall, reached his limit and could go no further. His love was gone and changed into such bitter anger and disillusionment.
Have you ever felt like Jeremiah – even a little? Have you ever been in the wilderness of your own exile? When has your love and compassion hit a wall and reached its limit? When has your love been stretched thin? What were the circumstances?
Was it a betrayal by a friend or loved one? Perhaps it was unfair criticism at work or school? Were you victimized in some way? Maybe it was a time when you selflessly gave of yourself, but your good deeds were rejected, or went unnoticed and unappreciated.
You probably know this, but envy of others has the power to diminish love and compassion.
Whatever it is, we have all had the experience of our love decreasing, being stretched thin and then we find ourselves in a wilderness of anger, despair and disillusionment; cast into exile.
When this happens we lose a little piece of our humanity, even if we feel justified in our feelings – even if we feel the other deserves our anger. When we get caught in this trap, we feel like we are a little less than we were before.
I know that when I love, especially in challenging circumstances, I become more; more fulfilled; more fully human; more completely the person I am called by God to be; and when my love hits a wall, I become less; I am less fulfilled, less human and less living in the image of the person I am called by God to be.
The apostle Paul said, “Let (your) love be genuine.” (sincere, authentic.)
But how do we do that? How do we love like that when we find ourselves in exile; in the wilderness of our anger, disillusionment and rejection? Is it possible for love to be rekindled when we have so many negative emotions?
When I find myself in that wilderness, words like, “Let (your) love be genuine,” or “Just forgive them and move on,” only make me more frustrated because all I hear and see is the person I am not – at that moment!
In the midst of it all, Jeremiah still longed to be made whole. In chapter 17 he cries, “Heal me, O God, and I shall be made whole.” Even though he felt justified in his anger, he recognized it was not a place that he wanted to stay in for very long. He didn’t like the kind of person his anger was turning him into. He was looking for a way out of this terrible exile. He didn’t like the way he was feeling about himself and about life. Is there a way out when our love is stretched so thin?
When I find myself in Jeremiah’s exile, when my love decreases to anger, my anger provides a certain short term sense of gratification. It feels good for a second. But the longer I stay there the worse I feel. I don’t want to stay there and the longer I stay there the more I want to be empowered to love again, so I pray Jeremiah’s prayer, “Heal me, O God, heal me!”
Remember last week when Peter’s love hit a wall? When Jesus said he was going to Jerusalem to die, Peter’s love hit a wall, and he blurted out, “God forbid it, Lord.” Jesus got in Peter’s face and said, “Peter, you get out of my way! You’re a stumbling block to my mission.” Then Jesus explained to his disciples that following him meant taking up their own crosses of sacrificial love.
In the midst of our decreasing love, Jesus shows us increasing love. There was another time Peter came and asked Jesus (Matthew 18:21-22), “If someone sins against me (hurts me), how often should I forgive them – as many as seven?” It sounded generous (and it was generous), but Peter had put a limit on love. Jesus said, “Oh no, not seven times, but seventy-times-seven.” (70 x7 is a Hebrew idiom for “as many as it takes.”)
Let’s be real, there are times when all of us experience our love being stretched thin – hitting a wall.
The good news is that Jesus’ words are our words, the words for all of us when we’ve hit the wall – the words we all must honestly speak, in all their brutal rawness, when we’ve reached the limit – when we feel we can love no more; when our hearts are broken and our spirits are empty.
When we find ourselves in exile, like Jeremiah, perhaps the only thing we have left to give God at that point is our anger and hurt. And (listen to this), to not give it to God, to not speak it to God, to not articulate it, would be, as one theologian said, “the ultimate failure of love.” Why? Because Jeremiah still loved God enough to express his anger, his pain, his disappointment, his disillusionment.
Don’t worry. God can take it! It was the way out of exile for Jeremiah – who went on from there to be God’s faithful prophet – and it’s the way out of exile for us as well.
Sometimes our hurt and anger is all we have left to give. And when we give it to God, it becomes a moment of faith. A real faith, an authentic faith, a genuine love, that even has room for our anger and hurt. Then comes the healing – the freedom. God’s genuine healing love calls out to us when we’ve hit the wall – when we find ourselves in a wilderness of exile of pain and anger. When we allow God’s healing to take place in our lives, we’ll be able to sing this with Dinah Washington, “I Don’t Hurt Anymore!”
Let the healing begin! You don’t have to hurt anymore! Paul’s words, “Let your love be genuine,” still ring out. Think of these words as a promise. A promise that God’s love will find you even in the wilderness of exile. And you are not alone, as God has promised to journey with us and lead us out of exile and into the incredible joy of restored love. Amen.
