Lessons Learned: Gay artist Matt Zarley opens up about his music and his love

As an artist, Matt Zarley has made many proclamations through his music; whether it was his CD Debut in 2002, or reiterating Here I Am in 2008, to his latest, Change Begins With Me, he utilizes his songwriter/singing talents to their fullest effect by affording listeners a look (and listen) into where he is at in his life.

When creative people say that they have suffered for their art, oftentimes those words can just be taken at face value. But, in the case of Zarley, he puts his money where his mouth is, and what is pouring out currently is a lot of Change, while providing listeners the ability of being a fly on the wall of his love life. The songs that make up Change Begins With Me are as reflective as Zarley holding up a mirror to his life, and saying into it, in a mantra-like quality “I’ll be fine without you,” which harkens to artists like Alanis Morissette and more recently, Adele.

The first single off the album, “WTF,” deals with a whirlwind romance he had with a famous (and unnamed) actor that resulted in Zarley getting his heart broken, with nary an explanation as to why.

But, knowing that the school of hard knocks can educate and inform your life in general, he channeled his frustrations onto the disc that recently debuted at #2 on the Billboard Breakouts for Hot Dance Club Play chart.

San DiegoLGBT Weekly spoke with the engaging and handsome songbird, (who was one of People Magazine’s “Hottest Bachelors” in 2002) about his creative process for this project, being open about his sexuality within the music industry and what he has learned about himself through his craft.

San Diego LGBT Weekly: You have said that the songs on Change were “inspired by love and heartbreak,” what did you come away with about yourself from the songwriting process?

Matt Zarley: Each song sort of deals with the healing process as a whole; each song is a little bit of a different phase of that process. I think really what I took away from that whole experience, and what encompasses the whole album for me, is that you really can’t expect someone else to provide closure for you.

You really have to truly accept people for what they are, and where they are, and don’t have any unrealistic expectations; because some people just can’t fulfill them. If you want something to be different in your life, or you want something to be better, you need to put yourself first. And maybe change something within yourself to make that happen, and that’s what really happened for me in that whole process. It was sort of cathartic and sort of bittersweet in a way, when it resolved; I don’t really have any hard feelings or animosity; it was all for the good in the end anyway.

You never really know that when you’re in the middle of it. When I was younger I had a really romantic idea of what I thought a relationship was going to be; I love the idea of forever and I love the thought of being with one person for the rest of your life; I love that!

But, I really do believe that people come into your life for a reason, and for a time, to teach you a lesson and sometimes they live their course, and you have to take what you can from that experience, apply it to your life and, hopefully, you’re better for it.

And, with the songs having such strong emotional connections, does it ever become difficult to perform them?

I’m really at the point where the songs are still fresh for me, so I enjoy singing them. These songs are different for me, personally, I love singing these songs, just as a singer I enjoy singing these songs more than any songs I’ve done. And because they are so personal, there are times I’m sure that it’s going to be emotional, certainly depending on where I’m at that day, and where it takes you.

It’s interesting because I think my main goal, really, as a writer and artist is to hopefully reach out to other people and have them connect with it, and relate with it.

I learned a long time ago that it’s all subjective, and not everybody is going to love your stuff, and you can’t try to please everybody; you just have to stay true to your own voice and what you’re doing. I have a very deep connection to this material, obviously, and hopefully people will respond that way.

Your song “WTF” is based on a romance you had with an unnamed famous actor, even though he stopped communication when the affair was over, have you heard any type of feedback from him about the song since its release?

“WTF” is poking fun at a situation, it was fresh when I wrote it; I’d just gone through that experience, and it kind of wrote itself, but I think you have to poke fun at heartbreak sometimes. Ironically, I heard from him about two months ago. He’s much younger than I am, and I don’t think he’s a bad person, I just think he was cowardly.

I don’t think that most people are shady; they just don’t have the tools or courage to be honest. As a result, it appears to be shady and calculated and nasty, when it’s probably really not.

I think I got to a point with that whole experience, where it was very quick and very intense; it had woken me up for the first time since I had broken up with my ex, in terms of “Wow! I think I’m ready to date or be with someone again.”

That’s what I took away with at the end, he awakened this spirit again. By the time the song and the album have come out, it’s so water under the bridge. I wish him well and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Was it a difficult decision to be open about your sexuality?

You know what, it wasn’t. It was never my intention or mission to be an out artist; it sort of happened. The whole People Magazine thing was really what made it happen, and it was never part of the strategy to work me as a gay artist. It presented itself as an opportunity, and it seemed like a really good opportunity at the time.

It was always a non-issue for me, and for everyone in my life around me, and now I look back on it; there wouldn’t be any other way. It is what it is, and I’m grateful that I made that decision.

At one time, you gave up showbiz to become a realtor. Do you ever stop and think what your life would have been like, if you had stayed along that tact?

For me, I left high school and went right into Broadway shows that summer, and I never had another perspective. I was getting to a point in New York with my theater career, where I was in a weird sort of in between stage, casting-wise. I was too contemporary for the leading man stuff, and I was a little too old for the youthful boy role, and I wasn’t getting anything, and this is right after my first album came out.

I hit a wall and finally went, “I don’t want to be in this place when I’m 50,” and theater’s a hard business to make strides upwards. And I had done so many great things that I was proud of, and look and say, “Wow! That was great!”

I didn’t want to be stuck in the same place; so I decided to give it up altogether, and go back to California and do something else that wasn’t so personal; because I was really getting my feelings hurt. And, it wasn’t my ego so much as I was really starting to doubt my talent, my ability. It just does that to you, and that‘s where I was. It served its purpose, but, no, real estate doesn’t fulfill me in my soul; it was a good diversion for me to regroup, and it made me appreciate my creative side so much more.

How do you feel that you’ve grown as an artist since your last CD?

I think I’ve definitely acquired my own sound and style. I know when I was beginning and was trying to find my voice; you mock, copy and imitate other artists, and that’s how you learn. And, I was really conscious about that when I was younger, and when I listen back now; it had sort of a disconnect.

And I think that comes with youth; you don’t really connect to something and when you get older you’ve lived it and relate.

So, on that level I definitely have lived and experienced things. I have a connection to everything that I’ve written, to a certain degree, but there’s definitely more depth at this point in my life. I don’t second guess a lot, stylistically how I sing anymore. I’m much more grounded and confident. I want to keep evolving and telling my story, and hopefully, people will relate to it – that’s the main goal.

To check out more about Matt Zarley, log on to mattzarley.com.