About the ‘tone’ of this column

After much travelling recently, it was good to spend some quality time in San Diego. I was able to attend two great events celebrating Stepping Stone’s 35th anniversary (outstanding job Bixi Craig, Tom Reise and committee).

This past week marked the 30th anniversary of the discovery of AIDS and I thought about the wonderful friends and activists we have all lost. I thought about John Ciaccio, Atty. Tom Homann and Clint Johnson who helped me found the then AIDS Assistance Fund and our first AIDS food bank. All three are no longer here with us. I thought of the leadership role that Terry Cunningham played some 30 years ago and still does when it comes to HIV/AIDS. I thought of all the memorials and funerals that became a way of life for many of us during the 1980s.

And I spent some time doing some self-reflecting and talking to many close friends, supporters and, yes, some of my detractors. Some of Ben Cartwright’s writings gave me some “solid food for thought.” I had dinner with one of Carl DeMaio’s close and biggest supporters, Tom Hebrank (past chair of the city’s pension fund), who told me I was one of our community’s “elder statesmen” and should act like it!

I’ve been writing a weekly column since the 1970s. Trust me, I’ve become accustomed to all the attacks and haters. Many of my supporters told me I should “stick to my guns” and never change the style of my column.

However, I did wonder if indeed this column at times added to the negative discourse in our community. So, this past weekend I spent some time reading many of my past columns in the different publications I have written for and now write for. I must be honest: I did feel some of my column writings crossed the line and were not “conversations” but “screaming.”

Sometimes I responded with “attacks” on me – well, let’s say like if someone took a “gun shot” at me, then I responded with an “atomic missile.” From reading some of my past columns, I felt I really could have hurt some people. Yes, I had real regrets when it came to the “tone” and “content” of some of my columns and could have made my opinion and point without such negativity. I found myself regretting some of my columns and writings.

Recently, I’ve become upset with the very false accusations that I called two different community activists, one a “racist” and another a “bigot,” both coming from our community’s different views toward the city council’s redistricting proposals. Though Doug Case and I disagree on this issue, I believe he handled himself like a gentleman and a community leader and at times I did not. One thing that stood out for me in Ben Cartwright’s writings was about our community’s new young activists and what examples or role models we set for them. Hmm!

So, I’ve decided that I should change the “tone” of this column. My commitment to you, our readers, is that I will do my best to agree to disagree in not such a negative tone.

I do want to make it very clear that I will not, in any way, back away from taking stands or speaking out or giving my opinion on issues. I also expect continuing attacks on me by some haters! I will respond when necessary, but it’s time I take responsibility for my part in some of this negative discourse.

To those who I have hurt through this column, I offer my most sincere apology and, yes, extend my hand to you for personal dialogue and communication if you wish to. I stand here ready to do so as life is too short to carry negative baggage.

To everyone who has reached out to me and given me support through your phone calls and emails, thank you. Yes, I’ve been a gay Latino activist soon going on 50 years. I know I’ve done some good on the national, state and local scene. But I’m only human and indeed have made mistakes along the way. Hopefully, God is not through with me yet and I can continue to make a difference when it comes to these two communities that I love so very much.

I thank you for our “conversations” these last four decades of my writing.

Mark your calendar!

Saturday, June 11: 15th anniversary gala, Human Dignity Foundation, Anthology, 1337 India St. Info: 619-291-3383.

Saturday, June 18: The Amazing High Heel Race, Hillcrest. Info: amazinghighheelrace.com.

Saturday, June 25: 7th annual Soul Plates for Being Alive, Inn at the Park. Info: 619-291-1400.

Wednesday, June 29: Todd Gloria’s re-election campaign kick-off. Info: toddgloria.com.

Saturday, July 9: Annual Mr., Miss, Ms. Gay Pride San Diego, Numbers 8 p.m. Info: 619-300-1232.

Friday, July 15: Ron Benzon Foundation’s Launch 2011 Party, 6-10 p.m., historic Burnham House. Info: robbenzon.org.

Sunday, July 31: Birthday party for State Assemblywoman Toni Atkins benefit for Toni Atkins Lesbian Health Fund. Info: 619-692-1967.

Nicole Murray Ramirez has been an award-winning columnist since 1973, and a Latino and gay activist for well over 40 years. He is currently a city commissioner and has served the last five mayors of San Diego. He is also a national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation and chairman of the International Court Council of the USA, Canada and Mexico. Nicolemrsd@aol.com.