As a progressive Christian, I believe there are many names for God and many ways to a loving God; this article reflects one of those ways. Take from here what works for you. Celebrate life with joy and peace!
You’ve heard of “family of origin” and “family of choice.” Family of origin is the family we were born into or the family that raised us.
Some of us have beautiful relationships with our family of origin, and some of us don’t.
Then there’s a family of choice, where we create our family circle, or are brought into one. A family of choice is life-giving and empowering.
Jesus often gathered in the home of his family of choice, the Bethany family – his dear friends, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. As we see in the Gospel of John, this is the place where Jesus goes again and again for refuge, a place to get away and relax a home of his own choosing where he can truly be himself with those he loves and those who love him.
In just the chapter before this morning’s reading, we read that this family had been through a lot – word got to Jesus that his friend Lazarus had died. Jesus was so moved, he wept. By the time he got to the tomb, Lazarus had been dead for four days and Jesus commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb. Wow! Talk about a roller coaster of emotions! And here he is now, gathered at the table with the people he loves.
While they are there, Mary brings some ointment made of pure nard. Nard was imported from the Himalayan Mountains … so, it was quite exotic. It was also reported to have been worth a full year’s salary! Think about it! A full year’s salary! That’s the kind of perfume you definitely want to buy at a duty-free shop while on some fantastic trip or cruise!
Mary falls down before Jesus and lavishly pours this perfume over his feet and dries them with her hair – even the act of her loosening her hair was going against decorum. Proper women didn’t do this publicly. Yet, this is the type of public display of affection that people can’t turn away from. Even if they tried to turn their heads or look in a different direction to give some privacy, the smell of the expensive perfume fills the room. It’s unavoidable! This multi-sensory display of affection was in many ways extravagant – some would call it shameless, flagrant, brazen, audacious and outrageous. This action, in no way, falls into the category of acceptable behavior.
Now, of course, it’s Judas who objects for economic reasons. He says the money represented by this extravagant display of affection could have been given to the poor. And before we accuse him too quickly, let’s admit he makes a fair point. I mean, Judas shows some of the same characteristics we want in a church treasurer – someone with an eye to detail, someone unafraid to question big expenses, someone who asks the difficult questions about how limited resources might best be used to do the most good.
Jesus responds to Judas’ objection by saying, “Leave her alone. You will always have the poor with you, but you won’t always have me.” (That’s a powerful statement, and unfortunately, this last response of Jesus has been misinterpreted over the years by those who don’t want to take responsibility for caring for the poor – but that couldn’t be further from the point Jesus wants to make.)
Some theologians think the emphasis here is more about the rest of what we know is going on – Jesus is in danger, about to face betrayal, condemnation and death. In this moment, a moment that will never come again, Jesus needs to receive the blessing that Mary needed to give him, a blessing that is a shameless and extravagant display of affection.
In fact, this moment was so important in the life of Jesus that in Matthew’s telling of the story, Jesus praises Mary and says to everyone around, “Truly I tell you, wherever the good news is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her.” This was a pivotal moment on Jesus’ journey.
Now, what can we learn from this story? Perhaps, we can learn something about the sacred value of shamelessness. Author, Brené Brown tells us that shame is an epidemic in our society. And we certainly know the toll it has taken on the LGBT community.
Dr. Brown argues that shame is the source of so many destructive behaviors, including addiction, depression, violence, suicide. Sadly, our religious traditions have sometimes been distorted to be the very thing that has brought shame to us. Both inside and outside the church, way too many people receive the message they aren’t good enough, aren’t pretty enough, aren’t smart enough, talented enough, young enough, thin enough, wealthy enough, powerful enough, and the list could go on and on and on.
Shame hurts our spirits and prevents us from living our best lives. We all need to be reminded, and then believe, we are lovely, and good, and smart, and talented, and powerful.
Who knows if Mary’s extravagant and shameless display of affection might have been exactly what Jesus needed to understand again that he was beloved? Had it not been for this blessing, he might not have been able to find the strength required for him to go from this place to Jerusalem for the events we call his Passion. Who’s to say? We only know it made a huge difference for him.
All of us need to be reminded that we matter, that we are loved. Because, I don’t know about you, but I forget when I get so busy and preoccupied with stuff. There are always going to be negative voices trying to pull us down – we need to be reminded that we are loved unconditionally and beyond measure.
When my mom was fighting cancer and all of the ugliness that comes with it, I decided to tell my mom every day that she’s beautiful. I talked to her on the phone every day and somewhere in the conversation and before we hung up, I told her how beautiful she was. It was intentional.
A couple months before her death, she told me she wanted to make a change in her funeral arrangements. Instead of being cremated, she wanted to have an open casket for the service, and then be cremated. I said, “OK mom, whatever you want.”
Then she told me of how she had always thought she wasn’t pretty enough – and that she didn’t want people to look down into her casket and think, “Oh, poor ugly Betty.” I said, “Mom! You’re beautiful!” And I’ll never forget her reply, “I’ve heard it so many times now, Dan. I believe it, now.” I wept.
I challenge you to live shamelessly, no matter what the negative voices around you are saying. Love yourselves shamelessly, and you will be a blessing and encouragement to those around you. Love each other shamelessly … because at the end of the day – at the end of a life – that’s all that really matters.
Hold onto your faith in a God that loves you unconditionally – that has uniquely gifted you to be a blessing to others. Don’t hide that gift, share that gift.
Mary gives us a beautiful example of extravagant affection. It’s true, what the world needs now is love, sweet love! You never know how your extravagant affection could give someone strength for their journey.
