In China, homosexuality still remains taboo. But the pressure to conform to heteronormative behavior stems neither from religion nor the state but from Chinese families where a one-child policy puts additional pressures on gay men to continue the family line.
Enter the ‘homowives,’ a non-derogatory term in China that refers to the wives of gay men who agree to marry them, wittingly or otherwise. Zhang Beichuan, a Chinese scholar who had been studying sexuality, said there are about 20 million homosexuals in China at marriageable age – and 80% of them will marry a straight woman in response to the pressure.
The social stigma remains so strong that according to a 2013 survey by U.S. research group Pew, only 21% of China’s population is willing to accept homosexuality. But that is slowly beginning to change. And ‘homowives’ are playing a role. (In American slang, these women are known as ‘beards’ which, like the namesake implies, are attached to you for appearances – while obscuring your face – but ultimately aren’t necessary.)
Twenty-nine-year-old Qiu Xuan, reports ChinaTopix.com, said her year-long loveless marriage can be explained in one photo taken during her wedding day: the photo showed her in her beautiful wedding dress and her groom, with the best man standing in between them. The groom was in love with the best man, not with the bride. And as these women grow increasingly vocal, they say if men are free to come out and can openly have relationships with the same sex, then bogus marriages like theirs won’t have to happen again. (Qiu clarified there is nothing wrong with being gay. What is not right, she said, was to marry a heterosexual to live a miserable life.)
“Among three ways of being an unfilial son, the most serious is to have no heir,” argued Mencius, an ancient Confucian philosopher. The idea is still ingrained in modern China; men are under social pressure to marry and produce a male heir to carry on the family line. Though new generations are more open-minded, many still believe that to marry and have children are the two most important things in life, whether they are gay or straight.
Meanwhile, “homowives” and their supporters are getting more vocal about their own situations, and the need for China to become more accepting of homosexuality. Zhang Ziwei, a 27-year-old corporate secretary from Nanchang, in southeast China’s Jiangxi Province, who dated a gay man three years ago, now manages a QQ chat group on the topic with more than one hundred members. She is translating two books – My Husband Is Gay and When Your Spouse Comes Out, written by Carol Grever, an American woman who married a gay man – into Chinese. After she finishes, she plans to send them to other women in her situation, because there are no such books in China.
Same-sex marriage is now legally recognized in 17 countries, and 37 states in America. China is not on the list. Li Yinhe, a sociologist and sexologist who has been trying to legalize homosexual marriage since 2000, has failed each time. Li, who has been in a relationship with a transgender man for many years, said she has been unable to get the 30 cosponsors necessary for the idea to be discussed at the Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference, which advises the government on issues that should become law.
The government, Li said, thinks it is an idea that is ahead of its time.
