I just left Tokyo and am now in Thailand. Visiting my former hometown was a little strange. I was glad to see the old haunts, but many of my favorites were gone and others unrecognizable. Furthermore, the circle of friends I usually visit had dwindled.
As an LGBT cardholder I always check to see what has happened to the special bars, spas, saunas and assignation sites of my former secret life. Sadly, discretion continues to play a vital role for those in the Japanese business world. Hiding one’s orientation is serious business. Today, as then, the consequences of being outed can be devastating. Luckily, in the States things are much better and I certainly don’t want to return to the past, yet there was a thrill to being part of a secret society with special words, places and signals to announce, “Yes, me too. I’m a member.”
Here in Bangkok, my bar-hopping has been tainted by non-LGBTers in the bars being cool. The acceptance is nice, but for me it ruins the exclusiveness of “our” place. As a senior, I am, of course, invisible to all but the professionals – so charming, so perceptive. They insist I am a young Yul Brynner. On a sour note, a truly horrible sight was a busload of Chinese tourists being escorted into the place to “look at the queers.” The patrons seemed used to it and at the owner’s prompting they camped it up to give the gawkers a thrill. I was disgusted.
On a positive note is the acceptance of the trans community here which works without comment as staff in shops, restaurants, including MacDonald’s, and at the reception desk in my hotel. With luck, I’ll have an adventure or two to report in the coming issues. Watch for them.
Cuddling, snuggling and kadoodling
As people age the physical aspects of a partnership change and those dealing with sex are no exception. For seniors of the LGBT community the desire (and ability) for those wild nights of yore are seldom in the picture now and those sweaty sessions of youthful ecstasy are but faded memories.
Many of you young readers might be surprised to learn that long-term households without constant, passionate nocturnal bliss are often as solid as ever. In fact, the love and joy between a committed couple may be made even stronger as years pass and trials and tribulations are overcome. We cannot escape the inevitable fact the years bring physical change along with maturity. Together they adjust many areas of our social and personal lives.
Of special note in the context of fully living together is the decrease in the once major presence of sexual activity. Such a change, however, does not negate the need for physical contact and signs of affection; these remain essential for domestic tranquility and harmony. They serve as overt symbols of our continuing, loving co-existence.
Nothing is better for the enhancement of a relationship than good old cuddling, snuggling and kadoodling. The definitions and enactment of these words I leave to your imagination, inclination and creativity. Watching TV scrunched together on the sofa or just a touch or quick caress in passing can gladden a heart with the silent message, “You are still the one I love.”
If you are lucky enough to have a special someone, neither of you should be shy about sending and receiving these messages which will strengthen your bond and make for a happier day.
