Immigration in America: Coming out of the shadows — a personal journey

A couple weeks ago President Obama announced his executive action on immigration. During his speech he said, “You can come out of the shadows”. So here I am. I am coming out of the shadows to share with you my experience, my reasons, my struggles and my journey.

In my opinion, there is a misconception that all undocumented immigrants are uneducated and have nothing to offer but are here for a free ride. I strongly disagree. There are a large number of people that are here following their dreams, trying to better themselves and also trying to better this country. I was so glad to see the cover of Time magazine in June 2012 when Jose Antonio Vargas shared his story Inside the world of the illegal immigrant. He was not only brave but accurate when he said, “… and we are, at heart, Americans.” That’s exactly how I feel and here is my story.

Life in Brazil

I was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. My childhood was turbulent at times but I was always surrounded by a very loving family. I was raised Catholic and ended up getting married to my high school sweetheart when I was 18. In 1993, I started college in Brazil pursuing my Bachelors in Pharmacy. That’s where my passion for science started.

Coming to America

To make a long story short I took a sabbatical and came to Scripps Institute of Oceanography at UCSD for six months for an internship. By the end of my internship I was asked if I would consider applying for graduate school at Scripps and that was something I never dreamed could happen to me. I went back to Brazil and graduated with my Bachelors in Pharmacy in 1998. Shortly after I applied to UCSD and a Brazilian grant to pay for graduate school. I thought it was a pretty long shot with a very slim chance of happening but in mid-1998 I got my acceptance letter from Scripps and my grant from Brazil. At that point I was faced with probably one of the biggest decisions in my life. The thought that kept going through my mind was if I don’t take this chance I will always wonder what would’ve happened. In August 1998 I moved to San Diego under a J-1 Visa to attend school at UCSD. I saw this as such a great opportunity to better myself and achieve something so far from the reality I grew up around.

Coming out

After a year in San Diego, things changed and my wife and I decided to get a divorce and she moved back to Brazil shortly after. I met my first boyfriend and I was finally comfortable in my own skin. It finally felt right what I knew all along. I guess being away from my family and safe from any judgment from them gave me the ability to explore and discover the real me.

Breaking the law

In 2004 I graduated from UCSD with my Masters in Oceanography and with that came the end of my J-1 Visa and once again I was faced with another difficult decision. At that time I was in a long term relationship and returning to Brazil was out of the picture. With a J-1 Visa you are required to return to your home country for at least two years before you can apply for any adjustment of status to stay in the U.S.

Here is when I broke the law. I left the U.S. and re-entered as a tourist for a maximum of six months to buy myself some time until I could figure out what to do. And that was the end of the story. I over-stayed my visa and after six years in San Diego, all my life was here, my friends were here and everything I knew and was comfortable with was here. This was my home. And although I had all that education and training I was not able to use it at all. I chose love over my career. I chose love over my family. The longer I stayed, the more I fell in love with the people, community and America in general. In 2007 I married my first husband and that was something I also never thought I would ever experience. During that time we explored our possibilities and because of DOMA we did not qualify for any immigration benefits. I became more and more involved with the LGBT community, gay rights and civil rights in general and that’s when it became clear to me that here is where I was meant to be. I did belong here. I later divorced my first husband and met my current husband.

Getting caught

In February 2012, I was pulled over when I was driving home. I was drinking earlier but I stopped and waited three hours until I felt I was OK to drive. Dumb decision. Because of a bad license plate light I became a target. I was taken to jail that night and consequently interrogated by ICE (U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and because of my immigration status ICE placed a “hold” on me and would not allow SDPD to release me. I was transferred to the George Bailey Detention Facility and stayed there for two weeks. Keep in mind that this was not an immigration jail. I was in there with criminals. This is something I will never forget.

Those two weeks were probably the worst in my life and at the same time the best. When you have nothing else to do but think about your life, your decisions, your mistakes and you realize how some really small things in life are taken for granted, like your freedom and safety; things really come to you at a different perspective. I was pretty much sure this was my one way ticket back to Brazil. But the one thing I got out of my time of reflection was that all this were consequences of my actions and decisions. Did I deserve to be there? Did I break the law? Were those my choices? Could I have done things differently? And the answer to all those were yes. During those two weeks my boyfriend Chris was working tirelessly to get me out of jail. He hired Ginger Jacobs, an excellent immigration attorney and based on prosecutorial discretion, ICE decided that I was not a threat and they released me.

DOMA’s repeal

After DOMA’s repeal in 2013 we were finally able to get married and start working on my immigration case. We had to first file for a waiver of the two year home requirement based on hardship to my husband in which we lost and had to appeal and then finally won. My application for a green card is now pending before USCIS and now a year later and after thousands of dollars in fees I am finally one step closer to becoming legal. Have I paid the price for breaking the law? Have I been held accountable for it? I think so. Would I have done things differently? Probably yes. Do I have any regrets? No. I believe that I am who I am today because of my journey. Was this a bumpy road? Hell, yes. But I have met wonderful friends, family and lovers. They have all shaped me to be the better person I am today. And for them I am grateful and thankful. For the ones that kicked me when I was down, I am also thankful. Like Tim Cook said, “You have given me the confidence to be myself, to follow my own path and to rise above adversity and bigotry. And also given me the skin of a rhinoceros.”

The future

I was really touched during the president’s speech because I could relate to it. I could relate to people that came here to better themselves; I could relate to people that work hard and don’t take anything from the government; I could relate to not being able to say goodbye to my grandparents when they passed away last year; I could relate to living in fear of losing all you have and all you know and I could relate to people that are trying to make a difference by creating businesses and helping others.

His speech also reminded me of what was so amazing about America. The land of possibilities, where you can achieve and become anything you set your mind to. The land of freedom where you can fight for what you believe is right. Where you can speak your mind freely and express yourself and your love for someone freely.

I have been very lucky and privileged to live here for 17 years and to have fully experienced my life in America from the George Bailey Detention Facility to the White House. I am excited to see what’s next and I can’t wait to be able to use my education and experience to help others. And, above all, to no longer live in fear.

I hope one day to become a proud American. Thanks America for making my dreams possible.