It was dubbed the wedding of the year. After suffering homophobic heckling at their first ceremony in August, Gary Jackson and Oscar de la Salas’ October wedding redo in Coronado received many column inches in the press. Their story is well-known and Jackson and de la Salas became media celebrities. What is less well-known are the stories behind the people who made this dream come true – namely Coronado attorney Alisa Kerr and the other “Islander Ladies,” Cerissa McPartlin Kieffer, Rita Alipour and Kate Blumenthal.
As a self-confessed “practicing Christian, registered Republican, straight all-American girl” Kerr appears to be an unlikely ally to the LGBT community, but as events unfolded Kerr and her friends proved that stereotyping any individual from the start is a sure way to be wrong.
Originally from Washington state, Kerr attended Willamette University College of Law in Oregon with every intention of returning to Washington. During her third year at law school Kerr visited San Diego and fell in love with the city. After graduating in 2002, Kerr moved to San Diego, passed the California bar exam, and got a job at a downtown law firm.
Today Kerr lives and works on Coronado Island, founding Kerr Law in 2013; she is a member of various local organizations and volunteers in San Diego to educate and assist women going through the divorce process.
Alipour grew up in Coronado and moved back to the island four years ago to raise her family. She is the mother of four children and is currently a stay-at-home mom. Alipour is set to take the February 2015 California bar exam and plans to join Kerr Law practicing trust and estate law.
Mother of two, Blumenthal grew up in San Diego and graduated from UCSD with a degree in communications. She got married in Coronado and her positive experience of a happy Coronado wedding is a huge reason why she was so disappointed Jackson and de la Salas had such a negative one. “I’m the only one out of us four to get married on the island,” explains Blumenthal, “so I was especially happy Oscar and Gary got their positive experience of Coronado.”
When the story broke of Oscar and Gary’s ruined wedding many people expressed their outrage through social media demanding that the perpetrator be found and punished. To Kerr and her friends those attitudes were meaningless without action. “I believe we should counter bad acts with equal or greater acts of goodness. And that’s what we set out to do,” explained Kerr.
At that point the four friends decided that they wanted Oscar and Gary to experience the true character of Coronado and set about investing every ounce of time and talent they had to plan a wedding in two weeks with zero budget for two strangers and 300 guests. Kerr summed up their motivation, “It was a complete team effort and a true labor of love. I think the significant thing is that none of us had anything to gain from hosting Oscar and Gary. We are not in the wedding industry or part of the gay community; I don’t know the other ladies’ political or religious views and none of us had ever met Oscar and Gary. We simply saw two people treated unfairly in our town and wanted to make it right.”
The project took on a life of its own and changed dramatically after Kerr emailed George Allen at Loews Coronado Bay Resort for help. Kerr takes up the story, “Loews provided a stunning 300 person waterfront venue which they set up and fully staffed. From that point, offers poured in from people wanting to help. Every single thing, from the champagne and cake to the photographers and flowers, was donated by local businesses and residents! I think that display of generosity and camaraderie – for complete strangers – is what makes this such a special story. It shows that our society has reached the point where people will no longer turn a blind eye to bigotry and bullying. Instead, they will actively confront and correct it.”
What is also special about this story is that the actions of these four individuals created an impetus for them to continue to work on behalf of the LGBT community rendering help and support where it is most needed. The four friends are in the process of setting up their own non-profit named “The Islander Ladies Club” that will be focused on service. Alipour explains, “We are in the administrative process now of making the Islander Ladies Club a reality. Our focus would be on fundraising to support a wide variety of causes, including the continued support of the LGBT community. One way that we are making that happen currently is that we are establishing a Tolerance Scholarship that will be given each year to one or two high school seniors at Coronado High School. We want to encourage and reward young people who practice and teach tolerance, acceptance and anti-hate. We will start this scholarship with the graduating class of 2015 with funds left over that were donated for Oscar and Gary’s wedding. We hope to keep it going through our future fundraisers for years to come.”
Blumenthal sees the work of the Islander Ladies Club as an organization with the goal of improving people’s lives and making them happy. “I don’t think we ever considered our volunteer work to be special or unique to any one cause,” said Blumenthal. “Personally, after becoming a mom, I only want my sons’ to be happy. Helping to make anyone happy, healthy and better … I’m in! It was such fun to see Gary and Oscar happy. I think I just want people happy! Period!”
The publicity the group has received from the wedding has been overwhelmingly positive and has encouraged them to move forward and expand their outreach of help to others. “I have enjoyed sharing the story with my children and creating important conversations with them about people, their differences, tolerance and anti-bullying,” said Alipour. “It’s one thing to talk to your kids about those things, but it has be so empowering for me to show them how to actively make a difference and stand up for others. I want them to see me as an active role model and not a talking head,” she added.
Alipour concedes that there is also a downside, but that just makes her more determined to continue to take steps toward helping others. “I think the one down side to the publicity was for every positive voice, there still seems to be the ignorant and hateful voices on the other side,” Alipour said. “I saw a lot of that in the comments on articles. That was all at once disheartening and motivating, it just means we will have to get out there and do more!”
The lasting legacy of this story is that with one simple act another non-profit is born dedicated to helping others and fighting the hate and intolerance that still exists in our world. True equality is only achieved when every section of every community accepts that are we are all one people no matter what race, religion, gender or sexual orientation.
For the four friends, this whole experience has been a rewarding one with lasting consequences. Alipour’s advice to a young LGBT person making their way in the world today is both simple and empowering, “I would want a young LGBT person to know that they are loved, supported and accepted for exactly who they are. I would encourage them to learn to feel comfortable in their own shoes, not to hide, to have confidence and to eventually find the person who makes them happy in life. Be who you are, own it, don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself and who you are becoming.”
For Blumenthal, her advice is heartfelt and straightforward, “If you’re in a tough place, it gets better. Yes, this is said from a nobody. And it’s so simplistic and so basic. But I feel it’s so true.”
Kerr reveals that this whole episode has had a profound effect on her life and insists that she never did any of this for the publicity. “The support I am now receiving from the LGBT community is completely in keeping with the ‘moral’ of this whole story, which is we should all help each other out,” said Kerr. “The walls separating all the versions of ‘us vs. them’ in our society are coming down. It’s amazing to witness. A heartfelt thank you to the LGBT community for the support you are now showing me,” Kerr continued.
As we approach Thanksgiving, this story is a great example to many for acceptance and tolerance toward the LGBT community and especially to those who continue to spew hateful rhetoric against our community. The Islander Ladies may at first have appeared the most unlikely of allies, but their creation gives us all hope that bigotry and hate can be confined to the past.
As the Islander Ladies develop and expand their non-profit Kerr sums up their philosophy perfectly, “I think hateful rhetoric against any group dishonors the incredible freedom we each have to pursue our own version of happiness. I’m really glad I don’t have the burden of judging how others choose to live. I only need to concern myself with living my best life and making a positive contribution to society. You don’t have to be like someone to show them compassion, kindness and empathy, and you don’t have to do something grand to make a tremendous difference; you just have to be willing to do something.”
