In my over half a century of being involved with politics and public service I have never seen such a constant, ugly, disgusting and destructive smear campaign as has been waged against Carl DeMaio. As many of you know, I have always had an up and down relationship with Carl, from introducing him to Latino and GLBT leaders to supporting him for the City Council, to not supporting him for mayor, to now supporting him for Congress.
Yes, I was one of the first gay persons he came out to and soon, like my relationship with Todd Gloria, I became a mentor/father figure to him and we would at times talk to three in the morning about life, public service, community and politics. I got to know the real Carl DeMaio who, yes, is a complex man who from an orphan childhood rose to become a very successful man and dedicated public servant; never a gay activist but an elected official who happens to be gay. He’d rather attend a community townhouse meeting than be at a gay bar. Carl is so “vanilla” that like Stuart Milk many even questioned if he was really gay!
I was the first person who told Carl DeMaio about some ugly rumors and lies that some Democratic City Hall staffers had started about him … the bathroom masturbation lies were so outrageous that Carl did not take them seriously. He was so naïve on how some gay haters could be. I demanded that two members of the City Council fire those staffers but Carl felt sorry for them and did not take my warning that this smear campaign would come back, even though former Council President Tony Young and Todd Gloria went public defending Carl and telling the world that it was all a lie.
Now, a former gay staffer who was obsessed and fancied himself as a future boyfriend for Carl has joined the smearing DeMaio campaign and filed his suit after the police questioned him about being the lead subject in a DeMaio headquarters burglary.
And to see Jess Durfee, the past chair of the Democratic Central Committee who never came out blasting Bob Filner for his admitted sexual conduct, attack Carl when nothing has been (nor will be) proven. Well, shame on you Jess Durfee.
We are talking about someone’s life and reputation, but many Democrats and gays don’t care. All they want to do is destroy Carl DeMaio by any means necessary.
I am so disgusted with the local Democratic Party and Scott Peters that after decades of being a Democrat I am going to re-register as an Independent.
Carl has been in a committed relationship for over five years with the love of his life, Johnathan Hale (president of the Hillcrest Business Association). Sadly, I know firsthand what a hurtful, emotional toll this has been for both Carl and Johnathan. They are only human.
I stood by my longtime friend Bob Filner even though I knew he was guilty. I will especially stand by Carl DeMaio because, as God is my witness, I know he is innocent and a victim of an ongoing smear campaign.
Thank you for the honor
This Sunday, Oct. 19 the Latino Services Center will be celebrating their 10th anniversary and will be renaming themselves “The Nicole Murray Ramirez Latino Services,” and there will be a fiesta from 1-4 p.m. I am so deeply honored, especially to the many of you who have made donations to The Center in my name. And, yes, I will be there Sunday hopefully stuffing my face with great Mexican food!
Also, I wish to sincerely thank the Stonewall Citizens Patrol for honoring myself, Bob Lehman and Tom Felkner with their “Founders Award”.
Nicole Murray Ramirez has been an award-winning columnist since 1973, and a Latino and gay activist for more than 45 years. He is currently a city commissioner and has served the last seven mayors of San Diego. He is also a national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation. Nicolemrsandiego@aol.com
Your statement states: “I stood by my longtime friend Bob Filner even though I knew he was guity.” This tells me everything I need to know about you. You lack credibility. It is not the Democrats who raised this issue. It was a former DeMaio Staffer who is a Republican and gay. Don’t elect this “train wreck” to Congress.
Carl DeMaio is nothing like Stuart Milk and to even suggest a connection is reprehensible! Shame on you and the LGBT Weekly for printing that. DeMaio is no Milk, Harvey or Stuart!
“I will especially stand by Carl DeMaio because, as God is my witness, I know he is innocent and a victim of an ongoing smear campaign.” Nicole
“As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again.” Scarlett
Gurl, you have smeared every single politician in SD at one point or another. Your support wavers according to the cash/perks flow. As God is my witness, you will eat those words about Carl within 2 years.
There’s a reason local pols joke about Nicole’s voter registration being written in pencil. He couldn’t get any traction when he tried to start a gay Republican club so he became a Democrat and created a still-born Democratic Club. Now he’s an independent. All I can say about that is don’t make the mistake many make. Register as Decline to State, not American Independent Party. AIP is a neo-nazi party created to support the racist George Wallace when he tried and failed nearly 50 years ago to win the Democratic nomination for President.
Nicole is upset that local Democratic leaders are treating the man to whom he served as a father figure, Carl DeMaio, unfairly. He says, “Shame on you Jess Durfee” because he thinks that Jess came out blasting Carl but didn’t do the same with Bob Filner. Having been in meetings where I argued we should wait for Bob’s day in court, I can assure you, Nicole is not telling the truth about Jess. Since it was tweeted immediately at the supposed closed-door meeting, I don’t think I’m breaking any confidences to say Jess is the person who made the motion for the County Democratic Party to call on Filner to resign.
Perhaps more importantly, Jess was out front in his condemnation of people who were trying to defend Bob by shaming and slamming his accusers – the victims. As Nicole says, he defended Bob even though he believed him guilty. So much so, that in an interview on 10News, he said Bob’s recently ex-fiancée, whom Nicole considered “like a daughter”, was not telling the truth about the reasons for the break-up. She knew going in that she and Bob had an open relationship, according to him.
In contrast, local Republican leaders – and repeated here – have dismissed this alleged victim as “a former gay staffer who was obsessed and fancied himself as a future boyfriend for Carl.” It would not have been fair to treat the women accusing Bob this way, and it’s not fair of Nicole and the LGBT Republican leadership to treat this gay man this way either – particularly since the whole gist of Nicole’s column was about smearing members of our community.
For the record, I felt the whole Urinalgate tempest was unfair and disgusting. Even if it had been true, it had no bearing on Carl’s inability to lead the City as Mayor. Nicole’s conflating of the two issues – alleged public exposure and alleged sexual harassment – is ridiculous to say the least. I think perhaps Carl DeMaio said it best in his Facebook post on July 22nd.
“I am so saddened that Irene [Bob’s principal accuser] was subjected to this demeaning and disrespectful behavior, and I admire Irene’s courage and integrity in speaking out.
I have confidence that San Diegans will stand with Irene and support her during this painful time. As for Bob Filner, the only way he can show his support for Irene and our entire city is to do as she has asked and resign.”
David Warmoth,
President, San Diego Democrats for Equality
Nicole, you are all about the smearing of people with whom you are displeased. You smeared me personally and publicly with complete fabrications which you knew to be lies. You stood in front of a television camera and told horrible lies about me. You are dishonest and you know it. You defend those you like and attack those you do not. Carl is in your good books so you wil attack anyone who criticizes him. Nicole, you are a pathetic old man and I would not want to be standing near you when your karmic retribution comes around. It will be as ugly as you are.
Nicole is such a hypocrite with such a short memory. You assassinated Jonathan’s Hale character 2-yeas ago and dragged old history through the mud. How can he and Carl ever forgive. or, perhaps they are just using you.
Not nice of your friends at Harvey Milks to stiff their employees by passing bad paychecks. Did you have an ownership interest in the business or ever receive freebies there? As the “Mayor of Hillcrest” – you should disclose all to the taxpayers
Nicole makes this assertion, unburdened by any facts:
“Now, a former gay staffer who was obsessed and fancied himself as a future boyfriend for Carl has joined the smearing DeMaio campaign and filed his suit after the police questioned him about being the lead subject in a DeMaio headquarters burglary.”
How Nicole, do YOU know for a fact, that the whistleblower, [1] was obsessed; [2] fancied himself as a DeMaio boyfriend [3] and filed his suit after being questioned by SD police? Have you ever met the whistleblower ? Where does this crap come from ? The DeMaio campaign ?
The whistleblower has never filed any suit. Your other two assertions come straight from the RNC Talking Points sheet and DeMaio campaign inside sheet read by Susan Jester in her shameful statement to FOX News in San Diego.
And Nicole—if you change your political registration to Independent–be warned. That Party has no money to take you to breakfast, lunch and dinner. Best be honest and become a Republican, and join your friends as Log Cabin Republicans. Don’t give up those free meals. And no “Independents” at City Hall. Don’t want to loose that great “City Commissioner” jacket !
And then explain to the LGBT Community why you are in a Party that opposes Gay Marriage, opposes equal wages for women, opposes reproductive rights, and spent millions of taxpayer’s funds to legally defend DOMA.
Answer in your column next week please.
I was wondering when an LGBT leader would have the cojones to call this for what it is— a cheap scandal designed to play to the worst stereotypes about gay men. My money was on Mr Ramirez and he didn’t disappoint.
I”ve said it before Sir and I”ll say it again–should you choose to re-regisitering as a Republican, please do me the honor of witnessing it/
All of this drama makes me feel pretty good for being a Hillcrest “nobody”.
I’m just all verklemp thinking about how this whole sortid affair is weighing so heavily on poor Carl and Johnathan, weighing so heavily on Hale, no amount of Botox will restore his youthful lying smirk.
Oh the humanity!
This city and it’s whole raft of supposed LGBT ‘leaders’ strike me as so juvenile as to somehow be stuck in High School, with their petty popularity contests, self anointed positions of status, and endless charitable giving, naming, and flag raising stunts worthy of a Miss America contestant.
Is it just San Diego in it’s provincial backwardness, or has mainstream Gay behavior descended into a one dimensional shallow world of pettiness? I hope it’s just our corrupt little Omaha by the Bay.
In advance, RIP Nicole, the sooner the better.
This article isn’t about DeMaio, it’s about Ramirez trying to stay relevant and keep her name in the news.
“I was the first person who told Carl DeMaio about some ugly rumors and lies that some Democratic City Hall staffers had started about him”
Who cares, Ms. Ramirez? Your bragging that you are a media-hungry gossiper who has to insert herself into every scandal in the city because you can’t get enough drama?
Maybe the old guard in this town can stomach this type of sophomoric behavior, but I find it repellant.
DeMaio is an opportunist.
He was largely silent during prop 8, he took money from anti-gay activists like Manchester and now suddenly, because being gay is more acceptable and even politically advantageous, he decides to run ads with him and his partner and to be more outspoken about being gay.
Too little too late, dear.
There is a reason a reason that the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), The Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, and Equality California have all endorsed DeMaio’s opponent, Scott Peters.
I care far more about what these groups have to say than what the gossipy, self-serving Ramirez has to say.
My vote will go proudly to Scott Peters, a straight man who has an excellent record on gay rights.
Correction, the Gay and Lesbian Victory fund who endorses gay and lesbian candidates did not endorse Scott Peters, but chose not to endorse DeMaio despite the fact they endorsed two other openly gay Republicans – which proves it’s not DeMaio’s political party but DeMaio himself and his record on gay rights that is unacceptable.
The HRC and Equality CA did endorse Scott Peters.
A quote from Fred Sainz, of HRC:
“We have no idea where he (DeMaio) stands on a whole host of issues. If elected to Congress, he would certainly be expected to champion legislation that is important to him and his community, and we have absolutely no evidence of the fact that he would do so.”
DeMaio is a tea party apologist and will vote with the tea party if elected. And now Ramirez is apparently a tea party drag queen, let’s see how they embrace her.
With a crumbling city, people not being able to afford living here, it is a shame we can’t get past these kinds of scandals. I am no friend of DeMaio because of his politics and his connection to the anti LGBT forces in this city and the Tea Partyites. I think an outside entity should be doing investigations and not those people who benefit from endorsments. I am disgusted.
Nicole is his own stooge,along with Harvey Milk’s nephew Stuart. Together they had an agenda… what can we name after Harvey today? A Battleship, An airport? A diner?(just as long as they paid a licensing fee) and vote for someone gay no matter if their qualifications lacked leadership and reason. I was a friend of Harvey Milk,and part of that era in the S.F. gay rights movement… and believe me there were many pioneers who made it possible for Harvey to run and win. Harvey Milk’s nephew foundation has made Stuart rich, and he expect others(with few exceptions like Nicole) to work for nothing as volunteers. When they pushed for the Harvey Milk Holiday, they over looked and should of included Mayor Moscone’s contribution to the gay rights movement 2 years before Harvey was elected. Moscone’s first administration appointment went to Harvey Milk to the Board of Permits becoming the first openly gay public appointment in S.F. history. However, when Harvey decided to run against Art Agnost(later Mayor of S.F.)an sitting Democrat for the California Assembly, he was replaced. Harvey was not a Saint, and his speeches were heard or read by very few and not written by him. However,the Milk movie embellished his record… and contained events that never happened and timelines and locations were changed. However,that movie introduced Harvey and that era to millions of people,gay and straight,young and old, here in America and around the world. I have been in the front line of the gay rights movement for 45 years, mostly as a one man army and realize that it is important to support many gay causes… however when it comes to politics should be inclusive… and gay candidates seeking gay votes just because they are gay is down right wrong!
Why the LGBT Weekly is giving this tired old troglodyte charlatan any ink is beyond me.
Hey Zack, I may be old, but I’m honest. I am respected in many fields. I’m glad that LGBT Weekly gave me the space to voice my opinion… it gives me hope that it’s not one sided, as all media should be. We all know that there are Homophobes and Hetero-phobes and someone with an open mind knows the difference.
….and what about that lie detector test?
I would never vote for Carl DeMaio because his values are not the same as mine.
One objection: Doesn’t anyone remember the video of Carl and one of his staff raiding an opponent’s home to steal his political banner? You can view this on
YouTube. This is totally unethical and shows what he will do to get elected.
Another objection: I believe Carl to be a Koch brother clone; we do not need the Koch robber barons in CA. Look at KS and WI where they have had 2 Koch supported governors. I don’t care what Carl professes to be for; it is my opinion that he will vote the way of those that pay for his campaign, namely, the billionaire Koch brothers, David and Charles..
Google: David Koch and The Libertarian Platform. His agenda is to dismantle
every union, no minimum wage, no corporate regulations of our air and water and
food, no equality for women in the workplace, etc and only welfare for corporations.
FYI: I have many many gay male friends and not one will vote for Carl. Check with the Gay Center and find out why they are NOT supporting Carl.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in the Hillcrest community should be ashamed of not supporting Carl Demaio. He is a man that ran on, and continues to run on the policy of public masturbation in my opinion. Shame on any of you that do not agree with Carl that we do indeed more masturbation in congressional sessions in Washington! We need that. This man has built a political platform based on public masturbation, and we should all be so proud of that to have him representing us. I can guarantee when such antics where going on in Fillners office, he probably wasn’t smiling as big as Demiao smiles while sexually assaulting others
Scandal aside, Demaio’s NOT emotionally qualified for this office. He does not dignify himself or the office. San Diego deserves better! Period.
Jerry, I think Zack was referring to nicole, not you.
Will someone please adjust NMR’s meds and take away her keyboard. She’s embarrassing herself.