We all know women love little more than planning events, so I wasn’t at all surprised when my girlfriend broached the subject of Halloween in June.
“What should we dress up as?” she asked.
“Halloween? Summer just arrived – I’m worried about what kind of vegan cuisine we’ll BBQ on the Fourth,” I started in typical lesbian fashion.“I already have the menu put together for that – I’m ready for Halloween,” and just like that she out-stereotyped me.
As instructed, I did some thinking and I quickly discovered that I had no ideas. Coming up with a cute, clever couple’s costume? Easy! But coming up with a cute, clever same-sex couple’s costume? Not so much.
I got a sheet of paper and made a list of the obvious choices; Ellen and Portia (yawn), an unfortunate set of lopsided boobs (I’m’ taller), Queen Latifah and a closet (too hard to explain); we really were going to have to think outside of the box if we wanted something good.
In my brief experience in dating the opposite sex – it was high school, I was young and naïve – whenever Halloween arrived we had so many choices it was impossible to make a decision. We wanted to be Brad and Jen (that’s right, the good ol’ days. I’m still not over the divorce!), Jack and Rose, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, (I try and dress as Madonna as often as possible), Sandy and Danny from “Grease,” the list was endless. Now that I find myself in a relationship with the most wonderful woman in the world, I can’t think of a cute costume worth beans.
“Wait,” I thought, “Surely there must be a costume shop online that makes LGBT costumes!” So I Googled, “Lesbian couples costumes,” and the best I found were sites suggesting one of you be the head, the other be the ass.
Why is it that in this day and age there aren’t pre-packaged options for LGBTs? Halloween stores across the country pair together male and female outfits – a pope and a nun, Mickey and Minnie, Homer and Marge – but what about your average Steve and Jerry? Are they going to have to dress up as Burt and Ernie again?
In my research, I’ve discovered that these are today’s options for LGBT couples:
a) Dress up as food (bacon and egg, ketchup and mustard)
b) Dress up as friends who could be secret lovers (Burt and Ernie, Lucy and Ethel)
c) See a and b.
And that’s it. To prove my point further, an ex and I dressed up as Betty Rubble and Wilma Flintstone one year after scouring the costume shops for weeks. I’ll admit, we had a yabba-daba-do-time (she kept yelling, “WWILLLMMAAA!”), but we were left with the realization that we would never top those costumes.
Not that it’s anyone’s fault that LGBT couples don’t have more options; as far as the world is concerned most iconic characters happen to be straight. LGBT characters and public figures have really only begun to emerge in popular culture, and in order to be a Halloween costume, pop-culture is key. And while it’s true that we technically have the option of one party dressing in drag, it comes down to the simple fact that maybe we don’t want to dress up as the opposite sex. I sure as hell don’t want to dress as a man and I would bet a million bucks my girlfriend doesn’t, either.
Earlier this year Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional, and the Defense of Marriage Act was overturned. These are huge steps for the LGBT community, but we still have a long way to go before we get just as many options as the straights do. Being given pre-packaged same-sex costume options may be the last thing on the mind of most LGBTs, but when pushing for marriage and other human rights, let’s not forget to reach for the fun stuff, too! Halloween is just one example. It’s time for LGBT Valentine’s and LGBT anniversary cards. I once scoured a gift card store for hours for a love card for my girlfriend that didn’t feature a picture of a boy and girl kissing, or that said something like, “You’re the best girl a guy could ask for.” It’s time to change that; it’s time to move forward. We deserve to celebrate equally.
All of this being said, when it comes to Halloween of recent years I must make a point that I am grateful for Shane and Carmen from The L Word, and Mitchell and Cameron from Modern Family. Those characters are a big start.
Here are a few ideas for the creatively-challenged same-sex couple this Halloween (as if there are any):
• Piper and Alex from Orange is the New Black (for the girls)
• Liberace and Scott Thorson (for the boys)
• A chicken and an egg (so you can figure out which came first)
As for the ultra-duos, the couples that refused to be stuck within the traditional confines of Halloween, I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with!
We all know women love planning events? That is so 50’s. You lost me with a not true gender stereotype. Publisher, please send these back to the writer with a yellow sticky on gender and journalism, especially as the lede.
My GF and I dressed as Sookie and Eric from True Blood. This is the closet we’ve come to a couples costume and have in the past just dressed as whatever we wanted with no theme in mind. Originally when I said I wanted to be Sookie she said she wanted to be Pam, but then she ended up feeling absolutely ridiculous and uncomfortable in a long blonde wig and wasn’t thrilled about the make up part. So I thought why not be Eric? And she was happy and comfortable with the outfit and had the clothes already. You could say it was her first time out in drag. But we just thought gender roles be damned let’s be comfy.
The door man at the club recognized who were dressed as right away as did others. We looked really good together. Her leather jacket, along with sleeking her short hair back and custom vampire teeth added to the look. If she had worn the blonde wig she would’ve felt uncomfortable all night and it would’ve looked like shitty drag.
Oops posted earlier with mistyped email so trying again. My GF and I dressed as Sookie and Eric from True Blood. This is the closet we’ve come to a couples costume and have in the past just dressed as whatever we wanted with no theme in mind. Originally when I said I wanted to be Sookie she said she wanted to be Pam, but then she ended up feeling absolutely ridiculous and uncomfortable in a long blonde wig and wasn’t thrilled about the make up part. So I thought why not be Eric? And she was happy and comfortable with the outfit and had the clothes already. You could say it was her first time out in drag. But we just thought gender roles be damned let’s be comfy. She already had the clothes, wearing a leather jacket, black tank, custom vampire fangs and with her short hair slicked back she really looked the part. If she had gone as Pam it would of looked like super crappy drag. We looked pretty good together and she still looked like herself. Tomboy but still feminine.
I find with lesbian couples, there’s less awkwardness when dressing as straight couples. A woman dressing up as a man (or a feminized version) is more acceptable. My boyfriend and I are finding it very hard to come up with costumes where we don’t have to cross dress. Not that I mind, but I’d love two male costumes. We were Buzz and Woody this year!