Commentary: Conversations with Nicole
BY NICOLE MURRAY RAMIREZ
It was very interesting all the reaction I got from last week’s column concerning Carl DeMaio. Lots of emails, calls and comments – almost 100 percent negative. Well, I’m sure DeMaio has supporters in our community but there are certainly a lot of “haters.”
First of all, let me make myself perfectly clear … I stand by what I wrote and would not change a word, period. If gay critics and writers (including myself) can knock DeMaio, for launching his mayoral campaign and not including his gay life partner and saying he was “single” in that Union Tribune questionnaire, we can salute him for his recent campaign launch that had his partner by his side this time around.
As I stated, many of us are awaiting his stand on immigration reform and how he will handle the endorsements of right wing homophobes. Hopefully, this time he will distance himself from their anti-gay stands. Some in our community cannot move on and seemingly love to carry bad baggage and past differences and campaigns forever. Life’s too short. As for me, I choose to move on.
I have not made any endorsement in the upcoming 52nd Congressional District campaign but will do so in the future. And while I disagree with my good friend Susan Jester’s recent SDGLN’s commentary entitled, “Carl DeMaio: our modern LGBT role model,” I also disagree with the Democratic Party labeling DeMaio as an “extremist” last week.
If I’ve learned anything about politics and our community’s fight for equality it’s that people do change and we all learn from life’s experiences, and hopefully Carl DeMaio has also. Time, his actions and stands in this upcoming congressional campaign will tell.
About Father’s Day
This holiday always leaves me with mixed emotions that are mostly sad. Like many in our GLBT community my father was not accepting of my homosexuality and we really never came to an understanding or even a discussion before he died of Alzheimer’s.
But then my father and I were never close, though it is he who got me interested in politics and community service as he was very involved in the Latino organizations.
At the same time I grew up seeing my father physically abuse my mother and at times tried to stop him. I can’t remember my father ever saying he loved me and I know I also did not say it to him.
My father was a very masculine “macho” Latino man whose two sons turned out to be “sissies.” Needless to say to there aren’t very good memories at all for me. Why Father’s Day is difficult for me and others is we wonder if our fathers ever really loved us and to be honest if we really loved them.
My grandparents also completely changed toward me and became very cold when they found out that their grandson was a homosexual.
My message to all of you that have an accepting and loving relationship with your father, grandparents and families is to cherish them and know you are truly blessed because so many will never know and feel that unconditional love that you have. Happy Father’s Day.
Larry Kramer honored at 67th Tony Awards
Act-Up founder and playwright Larry Kramer was honored at this past Sunday’s 67th annual Tony Awards for his gay and AIDS activism. Well-deserved and congratulations to one of our movements most controversial and colorful leaders.
To be honest, my dealings with Larry Kramer (March on Washington and Stonewall 25) were not good ones as he threatened us on the national executive boards that his Act-Up boys would riot if he wasn’t given a speakers slot at the rallies.
Because some were afraid of Larry and his threats he got to address a rally of almost a million people and he immediately began to attack President Clinton and the first lady and use every cuss word. (We were live on C-Span.)
But I look at an activist’s life, both good and bad, and Larry Kramer has made a big difference when it comes to the issues of AIDS and gay rights.
All civil rights movements need people in the streets and in the suites of government and political power.
The truth is that Larry Kramer will go down in our GLBT history as an activist who fought the good fight in almost every breath he took.
By the way it was wonderful to see “Kinky Boots” win six Tony Awards and actor Billy Porter’s acceptance speech was fabulous.
Another friend commits suicide
Last week I received a phone call about a friend in his 50s who committed suicide. He had lost his job and house and his mother was dying from cancer. He was a wonderful man who just everyone loved and admired. As I have said so many times we all need to be more sensitive and aware of friends who are going through rough times and reach out to them and let them know that they are not alone as these continuing hard times in our country are personally affecting countless of Americans. Thank you for listening.
Nicole Murray Ramirez has been an award-winning columnist since 1973, and a Latino and gay activist for more than 40 years. He is currently a city commissioner and has served the last six mayors of San Diego. He is also a national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation and chairman of the International Court Council of the USA, Canada and Mexico. Nicolemrsandiego@aol.com
