It took Rev. Jerry Troyer two years of writing off and on to complete what he calls a “heart-centered book.” As Rev. Troyer prepares for the launch of Coming Out to Ourselves, (Jan. 12 at The Center) I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with him about his book and the journey that led him to write it.
San Diego LGBT Weekly: I found the book to be a smooth, easy in one sitting read. Was that intentional?
Rev. Jerry Troyer: Yes. My purpose was to get to people who had never thought about why their life doesn’t work … their relationships, issues of being clean and sober and so on… to do so and to explore the sources of their problems. I wanted something people could go through quickly or more slowly and feel it and digest it and then go through it again.
With so many self-help books, and an expanded number in recent years that are LGBT, why this one?
I didn’t find anything out there especially for our community for healing guilt, shame and regret. My experience in the recovery community brought home that these issues are a problem for us. Weight, substance abuse, relationships and debt are issues not only for those in our community but for everyone.
There is a great deal of personal honesty in your book. How easy was that for you?
Easy as a minister. Every Sunday I’m talking about my life and experiences to personalize things for the congregation and create empathy. Over time I’ve become less and less guarded, as I’ve continued to come out to myself.
Many LGBT people seem turned off by religion. Though not religious as such, there are definite spiritual themes in your book. Were you hesitant to do that?
I felt a need to do that. [The title] “Rev” is an invitation to people in our community, people who feel disconnected. It opens the door a little for people to connect to being beloved of God and to your truth.
Where did the seeds for this book come?
From remembering my experience of coming out to others … admitting, accepting and embracing my orientation … and seeing others deal with issues like substance abuse, including my partner’s experience. There’s no such thing as “those people.” We are all connected. We are working at healing our shame and guilt. I want the readers to look at their lives and see how they can treat themselves better than they do.
Was there a moment when you definitely knew, “Yes, I am going to do this?”
Before starting the book, a dear friend asked me, “What do you want to do with your life? How do you want to make an impact on the world?” I listened to that still small voice, and the seed was planted.
You liken the process of coming out to ourselves to “peeling away the layers of an onion.” What would you say to those for whom that might be a challenging or even painful process?
It will be. And you don’t have to complete it today. It is a process, not an event. Allow yourself to peel away the first layer. Then, to the next layer. Watch as your life changes and look at the choices you make. And how you love yourselves, period.
One of several things that touched me in your book is the idea that “life is lived from the inside out.” Could you briefly expound on that?
First, Jesus said it’s done unto you as you believe. We have a belief in our deservedness. Second, we all make choices such as the food we eat. Do we commit to healthy eating today or put it off to start tomorrow? It’s about what we feel about ourselves.
From your experience, first with writing this book and second, with getting it published, what have you learned?
That it’s OK to cry. And if not, you’re not feeling whatever fully. Many of us were brought up not to show emotion. This is part of the process. We have emotions to process and it’s OK. Amazing people love and support us when we give them the opportunity. I believe this book will change lives in a way that people have never thought about before. It’s always our story and our truth.
Rev. Jerry Troyer has studied New Thought and Religious Science since 1989 and has been the senior minister at the Joyful Living Church in Clairemont Mesa since 2005. In the community, he is a volunteer at The Center. For more information visit joyfullivingsandiego.org
