‘Guys Like Us’ (and you)

BY VICTOR HOFF

Given its origins, it would be hard for the Rev. Henry Solly, the founder of the first working social club, the Working Men’s Institute and Social Club of 1862, to imagine a time when gay men of various ethnicities would ride the coattails of a such a novel idea and turn into one of the most popular vehicles for gay men in San Diego to meet and socialize and, ironically, not feel the social pressure to end up leaving with someone they had just met over the course of the night.

After all, isn’t there an app for that?

But the reality, the very real, earnest, endearing and truthful reality of it is that the social club known without a trace of irony – Guys Like Us – has morphed into one of the most popular organizations in San Diego for men of all ethnic stripes to come together about six-to-eight times a year to socialize and break out of the dusty cocoons of our well-liquored watering holes to meet men – yes, predominantly Asian – in an effort to get to know others on a more social basis.

I recently attended their most recent event at the club room of the Atlas building in Bankers Hill and felt less like I was being sandwiched in between the nooks, crannies and perfectly-sculptured bodies of a too-too-crowded gay night spot and more like a regular joe at, dare I say, a convention, where men of all ages, colors, weights and every other distinguishing characteristic were having a good time just, well, socializing.

I met Xing, a biological researcher from China who was working on a cure for cancer; Paul, a 52-year-old Thai man who could have passed for my much, much younger brother and an accountant from Laos. But, not once, did I ever get the sense that underneath this amalgamation of Asian, (some) black, (some Latino) and largely white crowd was there ever this sense that the goal was ultimately to end up at someone’s home doing things that would have made this group far less social and far more ordinary.

Luckily, I had a chance to sit down with Cris Torres, a co-founder and current president of Guys Like Us and Chris Benavides, one of the sitting vice presidents, to find out just what makes Guys Like Us tick and how – or, perhaps, why – it was so difficult to organize a group among gay men based on social interests rather than sexual ones.

“My vision has always been to have a solidarity among Asians,” says Torres, when asked how the whole thing came into being. “I wanted to have a group that was inclusive, not just with Asians, but all races. So I got together with ten-or-so of my friends and we ended up breaking off into smaller groups to help decide not only a name but what our mission statement would be. One of our friends suggested ‘guys like us’ and it stuck and here we are today.”

Chris Benavides, who is Latino by the way, explained just how useful the group was for him as a stranger in a strange, new town. “One of the [members of Guys Like Us] had a house on the [Gay Pride] parade route, and had a brunch and cocktails event that day. I had moved to [San Diego] on Thursday and I met [Guys Like Us] on Saturday. They were immediately welcoming.”(Guys Like Us is also affectionately known as GLU.)

The GLU events themselves are something of must-attend within the Asian community (and those that admire them) but it is their two charity fundraisers in the summer – July 14 and Aug. 18 – that makes Guys Like Us more than just a showcase for social awareness on a well-printed flyer or postcard. During these two summer events, Guys Like Us raises upward of $10,000 for AIDS Walk, making Guys Like us the single largest social organization contributing to that cause.

And while the talk of their successes in making a positive difference in the lives of people afflicted with HIV/AIDS, the conversation took on a sober tone when I asked Cris about whether or not there existed – for lack of a better way – tensions among the various Asian groups.

“It’s that cliquish thing. I feel there are some guys that don’t come to our parties because, I don’t know, if you’re not a friend of someone, if you hang out with different crowds, so they tend not to check out our group because they think we just do a lot of partying and hooking up and stuff like that.”

And how misguided they are. OK, yes, there is a lot of flirting going on but that has less to do with the nature of Guys Like Us and speaks more to the nature of gay men standing around in close quarters in a room together.

For more information about their next party, Cinco de Mayo, and for further information on this summer’s upcoming pool parties visit their Web site at GuysLikeUs.org.