Dear Michele Bachmann:
I was both saddened and heartened by your decision to drop out of the race to become the Republican presidential nominee after coming in last place in the Iowa Caucus.
Saddened, because I’ll miss the hijinks. Heartened, because apparently, even in a far right-wing contest such as the Iowa Caucus, near-insanity can be recognized in spite of the near-perfect alignment of positions between yours and those of conservative Republicans.
Gone will be your screeching diatribes about liberal hatred of America. Gone will be your glaring denial of your cure-the-queer, pray-the-gay-away, homosexuality-obsessed husband’s disproportionate interest in gay men’s sexuality.
On the topic of “Dr.” Bachmann, you may want to thank your lucky stars that it’s all over – the campaign that is. Why? Well, Michele, what would you do and how would you explain the findings of reporters who would have begun digging into Marcus’ therapy shop? They would have found (as Politico did), among other things, that he has no license to practice therapeutic counseling. True, Minnesota lacks a requirement to be licensed to practice, but it does offer one; and most legitimate therapists opt to earn one.
Then there are the questions about your husband’s “PhD” from a now defunct private graduate school in Ohio that was closed down after a state investigation. As Michelangelo Signorile noted recently, Marcus’ professional designation (albeit perhaps for style reasons) never appears in any of the good doctor’s marketing material in the conventionally punctuated format of “Ph.D.” There is no way to verify whether it is a matter of style or something more nefarious because Union Graduate School no longer exists.
Unfortunately, for gay men in the Twin Cities and anyone else exposed to his quackery, the potentially fatal damage caused by your husband’s clinic, Bachmann and Associates will keep happening. It will continue on unaffected by the fine-toothed vetting to which you, your husband and all of the government-subsidized businesses you operate would have been subjected.
Oh, but then there’s your Fargo-on-steroids Minnesotan accent and dialect. You’re darn tootin’ I’m going to miss those. Even more, will I miss the nice little messages to LGBT Americans you delivered using that unique voice of yours.
Here are some of my favorites, courtesy of buzzfeed.com:
“(Gay marriage) is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
“During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26.”
“And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
“Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of The Lion King for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”
Oh Michele, it would’ve been grand. THOM SENZEE
EDITOR
This editorial: perfect.