Oh, don’t even get me started on the Footloose remake. Or rather, please do, so here we go. On paper, the redo sounds more like it will cut the cheese, rather than cutting anything else. I mean both Zac Efron and Chace Crawford turned down the chance to take on Kevin Bacon, which was a good choice for those thespians.
I meant the chance for those actors to tackle the iconic 1984 role of Ren McCormack that had Kevin shakin’, well, his Bacon, all set against the backdrop of a small town where dancing and music were a big no-no.
Now, Kenny Wormald is Ren and his surname just trips off the tongue, doesn’t it? While Julianne Hough, is the “new” Lori Singer as the spitfire preacher’s daughter Ariel Moore. On the subject of the fictional family tree, Dennis Quaid plays Rev. Shaw Moore, previously portrayed by John Lithgow and Andie MacDowell portrays his wife Vi Moore, in place of the incomparable Dianne Wiest. Funny, ole Andie doesn’t look old enough to have a 23-year-old daughter, which happens to be Hough’s real age.
And poor, poor Ziah Colon is stepping into the pre-Manolo Blahniks first walked in by Sarah Jessica Parker as Rusty, and may have marked the first time that SJP uttered the word “fabulous” onscreen. Good luck, new girl, good luck.
Yes, the movie will retain some famous scenes, including the tough-guys-do-dance-while-blowing-off-steam scene in the mill that was a standout in the original. But … how will a chicken fight with school buses work, rather than the tractors in the original? Not very well is my guess. And the 2011 model Ren will still drive the crappy yellow VW, just like Bacon did.
But, a bigger question begs to be asked – will there be the underlying sexual tension that Bacon shared with late actor Chris Penn’s Willard character? Will there be any spark between new Willard, Miles Teller and Wormald? It’s not like it’s going to save the movie or anything.
Not music to my queer ears
Which brings us to the soundtrack with Blake Shelton belting out the title track, as sure as he likes to belt back the cocktails, since Kenny Loggins was “unavailable” to reprise his version. If that weren’t exciting enough, the soundtrack has a stable of “well-known musical artists,” such as Jana Kramer and Ella Mae Brown who will literally cover “Let’s Hear It For The Boy” and “Holding Out For A Hero,” respectively. Oh, and there’s a bunch of new songs for us to enjoy. Sure, I’ll go with that in the case of tracks like “Little Lovin’” by Lissie. What no “Dancing In The Sheets” à la Shalamar, circa the like, totally awesome 1984 soundtrack?
Anyhow, shame on you, new Footloose soundtrack, shame. Couldn’t they cough up some extra coin for Katy Perry or someone we’ve actually heard of, at the very least?
Cut. Print. That’s a wrap!
Look, I am not trying to come off like some old guy, with a garden hose at-the-ready and a shout of, “Hey, you kids get off my lawn.” It’s just that sometimes, some things, say, like remaking Footloose, as a for instance are just better left alone. I just have fond memories of the original, for a multitude of reasons over the years; first and foremost that as a gay teen I could inspire some Podunk town to free themselves from their repressive shackles by dancing in a decorated mill. I would have spearheaded the committee with a battle cry of, “We need more glitter,” naturally. Or I just really love the first one, and what will most likely be the better one. I have a feeling the new one could do well enough, but will suck regardless.
Alright, I need to sign off and go water my lawn … hey wait a second. Oh well, you’ve been duly warned kids. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.
