Those of us of a certain age can remember Katherine Hepburn’s “Mrs. Venable” as she archly quavered and croaked her beloved son Sebastian was, “Chaste, not chased” (wrong on both counts, dearie).
For people of that generation the state of chastity was, and still is in many groups, deemed unsuitable for a “normal” young man, but it was mandatory for a young woman.
This thinking has been taught and perpetuated for generations especially by the church. Even within the church we have the careful wording of its (male written) vows: Chastity (no sex) for nuns, but celibacy (no marriage) for priests. A cynic might suggest this was so if a priest should surrender to the temptations of Eve, it was naughty, but not nearly as serious as breaking a vow. This foolishness is finally being openly discussed within the Catholic Church.
But back to today’s topic, chastity. Most younger people want nothing to do with it, at least willingly. For many seniors, however, the equipment may not be working up to its old standard or there is a serious lack of willing participants, so like it or not, complete or partial chastity is the name of the game.
We are not talking about just singles here. This situation creeps into the homes of many a loving couple. When the sexual desire diminishes on both sides, their commitment can be as strong as ever: A kiss and a cuddle are often just fine because the relationship’s foundation rests on many other points.
More of a problem exists when one person wants a wild session, but the other doesn’t. All is not lost; however, it just takes more effort as major adjustments are made. With a little co-operation and creativity the climax of the evening can be reached to everyone’s satisfaction, but it must be faced head on (so to speak) with honesty and discussion.
Many seniors with a low libido find life much less complicated without the constant horniness of youth and some actually prefer it. They even go so far as to refuse medical sexual enhancements. They find they only lead to the frustration they observe among their friends who endlessly cruise and have trouble facing reality, namely, most of those in the bars, baths, beaches are not turned on by someone 30-50 years older. Come on, be honest. Is that really a surprise?
Despite what younger gays and lesbians might think, a chaste life is far from a catastrophe. Many seniors think a minimal or nonexistent sex life is just fine. Don’t need it; don’t want it. Life is full of alternatives. One cultivates other interests, keeps busy and maybe occasionally shells out a few bucks for a massage (Why not? You’ve been good all week and it’s cheaper than a week-end of bar-hopping).
But facing facts, when night falls, old urges rise and the bed is half empty, for many that is not the formula for a good night’s sleep. Is there an easy answer to this problem? Not really; except to remember, the quickest and easiest solution may be to handle it yourself; as they say, you don’t have to dress for it and no one does it better.
