President Obama recently declared June to be Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month, continuing a tradition started by President Clinton and on a hiatus during President George W. Bush’s terms in office. We should all enjoy the parties and parades, and celebrate our diversity. If we want to continue to move our rights forward, though, we should remember June’s original honorees – our fathers.
In recent months, multiple polls have shown that a majority of Americans approve of same-sex marriage. CNN’s April poll, showing 51 percent in support of marriage equality (vs. 47 percent against), should particularly have politicians taking note. Still, we have not yet won at the ballot box, did not achieve marriage equality in Rhode Island and face a tough fight in the New York legislature. What gives?
As so often happens with data, the devil is in the detail. Polls can be used to show us where we are, and to celebrate how far we have come. Like a map, though, their greatest value is in showing us the road forward. That often requires trudging through data far too dull to put in the article. Fortunately, newspapers now provide links to the full poll analyses, and armies of bloggers and statisticians start pouring over them immediately.
CNN tracked both the gender and political affiliation of their respondents. It was no shock that Republicans oppose same-sex marriage even more strongly than Democrats support it, or that 55 percent of Independents are in favor (vs. 43 percent against). The big find was the “gender gap”, with 57 percent of women supporting marriage equality compared to only 45 percent of men. The gap was even stronger on the other side of the issue, with 54 percent of men opposed vs. only 40 percent of women.
The gender gap helps explain why popular support for same-sex marriage does not always translate into legislative success. While women make up a majority of the population, they are grossly underrepresented in elected office. Electing more women representatives may increase success in legislatures, but it could take a while. Getting men to support LGBT issues might be the faster route to equality.
One of the few social issues with a gender gap similar to same-sex marriage is gun ownership rights, supported by 20 percent more men than women. Other polls, not surprisingly, show that gun owners are more supportive of gun rights, and that men are more likely to own guns than women. Combine those observations, and a plan emerges. Get women to own guns and they will be more likely to support gun ownership rights. The NRA figured this out long ago, and has numerous programs to encourage women to own guns.
In recruiting LGBT allies, the equivalent of gun ownership is a close relationship. Polls consistently show that the people with an out, gay relative or close friend are about twice as likely to support LGBT rights as someone with a gay acquaintance, and are vastly more supportive than those who claim to know no LGBT people. Given the gender gap, one path forward is clear: we need to get out to our fathers and other men in our lives.
Unfortunately, a clear path does not mean an easy path. When people come out and to whom is as varied as the members of our community, but studies confirm that LGBT youth are more likely to come out to their mother than their father. For some it relates to a real risk of violence or abandonment. Others may fear less tangible things, like rejection, or that they are not meeting expectations. Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, we all want our father’s approval. Coming out may put that approval at risk, but the data is clear that we won’t have an equal society until our fathers accept us for who we are, not who they hoped we would be.
Next weekend, Pride events in Chicago, New York and San Francisco will highlight our diversity, commemorate Stonewall and celebrate how far we have come. For this Father’s Day weekend, think about moving our community forward by being more open with the men in your life.
If it’s safe, come out to your father, and perhaps your grandfather. If you’ve already done that, discuss other LGBT issues. Invite them to be part of Pride. Some won’t like it, but for others, the chance to be proud of the person you are will be the best Father’s Day gift imaginable – the knowledge that they did a good job.
