Acquaintanceships, friendships and partnerships are tricky things to keep on an even keel. The obvious rocks and well-known shoals are dangerous, but with foresight and adjustments we sail through the course. The voyage is wrecked by the tiny things like the unimportant leak you were going to fix one-of-these days or the storm cloud warnings you ignored. These little things are often referred to as the tremendous trifles.
These are the little things done or said by one partner to the other which are thought so trifling as to go unmentioned until they build to a breaking point and we get the spat, screaming hissy fit or the ever popular silent treatment. You know what I mean: the uncapped toothpaste tube, the door to the patio left open with the air-conditioning on, yet another unreported dent in the fender or even, “Will you puleeze clip those friggin’ toenails before I bleed to death some night!”
Supposedly, at my age, I have acquired a great deal of knowledge, but in my case, it isn’t as vast as rumored and a lot of it turned out to be false. Nevertheless, I know the younger people reading this are anxious for words of wisdom and will fully apply all my suggestions to their busy lives as eagerly as I did in my youth when old farts tried to tell me something. This issue’s topic encompasses all ages and sexes: not letting little things destroy your relationships.
Of course he/she does it, but think for a minute and you’ll realize you do it too. All too often you both ignore the signals: the raised eye-brows, the tightened shoulders, the mumbled reply, the door shut (“Was that a slam?”).
To avoid these possible ship-wrecks, face the little drive-me-crazy moments head on and bravely mention them. With a smile and a gay twinkle in your eye you coo, “Dear, that is the tenth time this morning you’ve said, ‘Another sunny day in sunny California.’” He may say, “So? It’s another sunny day in sunny California. Look out the window. See. It’s another sunny day in sunny California.” Then, as you have done for years, you smile, butter his toast for him and try again later.
Remember, by keeping it light and making a joke about it, it becomes far less serious and the chance of a blow up is greatly reduced and you’ve gotten the point out of your system and he knows that you know that he knows that … etc., and you love him.
My partner is arriving from Japan soon and I am ready to put on my smile. I know what’s coming: “That’s too much salt.” “This will only take a minute.” “Are you staying in bed all day? It’s 7:30 already.” and my favorite, “You can’t wear/buy that. It’s too young for you.”
But I still love him.
