Love Goddess: Judy Tenuta performs in San Diego

Judy Tenuta

A loyal group of 20 good friends of Michael Mack have come together to help him with some financially difficult times, due to medical costs. That’s What Friends Are For, April 18, 7 p.m. at Eden, stars another friend of the local community, the goddess of comedy herself, Judy Tenuta.

When she spoke with the San Diego LGBT Weekly, we found out what she’s been up to lately and also discovered what to expect from her show next week.

LGBT Weekly: Hello! Is this the love goddess?

Judy Tenuta: You got it right! This is the looove goddess! You are worshipful to the goddess, how sweet.

Our readers want to know what you’ve been up to lately.

Oh, my goodness. I’m working on getting arrested with Charlie Sheen so that I can get my next show. I will be drunk driving with Charlie Sheen and his porn pot. I can’t believe he has the guts to call those sluts “goddesses.”

You have to be a little crazy to run around with Charlie Sheen.

Oh, but I fit right in! I’m also working on a new video. I don’t know if you have seen my latest video called Hot Bra Cones. It’s on You Tube. Just go to Judy Tenuta Hot Bra Cones. All my gay friends say I have great breasts. I thought they were gay, but they still like breasts! They just don’t like the southern part of a female. They don’t want to go down there to the tunnel. You know I’m right, honey!

What is it that draws gay men to your type of comedy?

I don’t know, you tell me! I think it’s because I’m larger than life. I’m very colorful. And, of course, I support gays and want them to all have the right to be married and miserable. I want them to have the right to adopt children. Or even better, if gay men can get pregnant, I’d love to see that. And, of course, my little diesel dykes should have the right to get married on the first date and get the U-Haul. I support gays and lesbeterians.

Were you one of the first celebrities to openly support gays?

I don’t really know. Probably Judy Garland before me supported her gay fans. Even before I was doing this comedy, I never understood why all human beings didn’t have equal rights. It is getting a little better, but still … fight and fight and fight!

Do you have a favorite comic that you adore?

I would say Donald Trump. I mean, come on – he’s hilarious! I love it that he wants to run for President. What a nut!

When you were a little girl, were you always funny or merely just strange?

No, I was not. I was just a shy, delicate flower. I was in a big, suppressed Catholic family environment. We lived across the street from the Catholic church, Our Lady Of Perpetual Virginity. My brothers were altar boys and I always used to be jealous. I always wanted to do it, but then I found out Father Shanky McBlowfish was doing more than lighting candles. Hello! What was going on there?

Do comics ever retire?

Yeah, sure. The problem is, today everybody thinks they are a comic. You get into a cab and the taxi driver wants to tell me a joke, and it’s so lame! I know it looks easy, but all you trolls out there, it is not easy. A lot of hard work goes into comedy. It’s like a special skill. You have to work at it. Of course, I was born this way, wearing this squeeze box. It was my mom’s IUD. I popped out wearing it.

You are from a large family.

My mom is a saint. She was the original octomom, but she had the decency to have all eight of us a month apart.

What’s your take on TV shows like Dancing with the Stars?

There’s gotta be a limit. There should be no pachyderms allowed on the show anymore. When the professional dancers start getting crippled on the floor because they have to lift up a pachyderm, there should be a weight limit! I’m not giving any names.

What are you doing for San Diego fans when you perform?

What do you mean what am I gonna do? Are you crazy? I’m going to show up and do a show. I’m not telling you my act. What’s the point of doing a show? I’m going to come down there and rally with the queens. I will be converting all the queens to my religion, called ‘Judyism’ and we will celebrate.

I have interviewed hundreds of celebrities, and you are the only one who made me laugh.

What’s wrong with these people? Come on! That’s my job. I want to make people happy. Of course, it makes me feel good.

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