We can all pinpoint certain significant moments or events in our lives. One such for me, and others of you I’m sure, was retirement. Just a year or so ago, I begrudgingly left Japan after 35 years and with it my friends and familiar surroundings, and came to San Diego to test the waters. I found a very pleasant situation here made surprisingly easy due to the new friendships made through the gay men’s groups I joined. I was comfortable in my new apartment and social life, but still pined for my Tokyo “home.” I eagerly awaited my return trip to Japan which finally occurred this past summer.
From the airport I excitedly headed into the vastness of Tokyo. Almost at once on the train I felt something was wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on my uneasiness which continued as the days passed and I walked through once familiar streets, now so changed with new buildings up and old landmarks down.
Clarity came at my most anticipated event, meeting my former co-workers at the university where I had taught. The entire department had been moved into a new building. Everything was different: the offices, the layout and the personnel. Nothing was familiar. I could not relax and talk comfortably with my friends, in fact, I felt completely out of place. Then it hit me. I was out of place. I didn’t belong anymore.
The pieces began to fit: the train ride from the airport was not a train ride “home,” walking around was not a stroll through “my” neighborhood. This time, I was a visitor. I was surprised at the realization, but more surprised at my reaction. I didn’t really care. From that moment I understood I had turned a page and San Diego was a new chapter in my life.
So no more looking back, except at pleasant memories.
Significant moments don’t have to be in the past. Every day things happen that affect our future. Whatever they are or whenever they happen, let’s accept them, think of the half-full cup, put on a smile and move forward.
Athletic supporters
My participation in sports has never been high. I was a boy with – shall we say – an artistic bent. I was never as interested in the equipment of the playing field as I was in the equipment of those on the playing field. Through the years, my athletic activities have stayed strictly on the visual. This has in no way lessened my enthusiasm; just the words “athletic supporter” quickens my heart and brings me to attention.
Being from Maine, I am automatically a loyal Red Sox fan. Since arriving here, I have heard people talking about the Chargers, the hometown team, so I have kept my eyes open for signs of a Red Sox vs. Chargers game, but I seem to have missed them.
I confess this is my fault. In my rush to get to the crossword puzzle, comics and movie page I throw out the sports section of the paper as soon as I get it. I must pay more attention now that spring is here, which I remember as the baseball time.
Not all gays are as cool towards sports as I; many of my friends were fine athletes and continue to love sports. But time marches on and prices go up and more and more often they find themselves watching the games on TV. They have ignored the fact that the thrill of going to a real game is still possible.
Furthermore, they can now watch real honest-to-God, out-of-the-closet gays on the field. Gay sporting activities are numerous and need our support. Combine the love of a good body with love of a good game and how can you go wrong cheering on your favorite team.
San Diego has many gay teams: swimming, wrestling, soccer, flag football, softball and others. Sadly the audience at these events is small. The guys and gals would love to have more people attend. The players might be surprised to find a bunch of seniors cheering them on, but they would soon welcome them.
Togetherness of the heart
It doesn’t seem possible, but my partner and I met 34 years ago this April 24. He was the handsomest man in Japan (I was the cutest). We are still together – with one slight catch: He is in Tokyo and I am in San Diego. With no green card he comes for a few months in the summer and I go there for a few weeks in the winter. Other times we talk on the phone.
Are we still a couple, still partners? Does love continue through separation? You bet.
Separation is not new to our generation. We who in the ‘70s and ‘80s lost so many loves far too soon, far too young; and now, as the years add up, we are losing more in the natural progression of life or, so often nowadays, by the ever thickening walls of Alzheimer’s disease.
Can love endure through all these situations? It can. Love does not leave the heart. Yes, it fades in some minds as the years pass and new loves are found. But it is not gone. It just gets pushed out of sight now and then. All it takes is a phone call, a crying/laughing glance through the old photo albums, a squeezed hand that says “I know you” and it comes flooding back. Even long after a breakup, if you stop and think of the happy times, you’ll smile and realize the love is still there.
