So, we’re into the New Year and we’ve passed one of the magical days of ones – 1-11-11 – and there’s one more to follow in November.
Do the holidays seem like the distant past to you? It’s amazing how quickly they disappear and we move on to the next thing…have you seen all of the red boxes of candy, and teddy bears with big hearts on them already in the stores? Bring on the love!
I recently read a book given to me called An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love. It’s a beautiful little book based on a love letter given to a life partner upon their 18th Anniversary. Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series, wrote a letter to his wife and partner answering the question, “If you had an hour to live and could make just one phone call…Who would you call? What would you say? And why are you waiting?”
For their anniversary, the couple went to a secluded cliff overlooking the ocean – it was very romantic. And there, Richard gave his wife Kristine the love story. When she was done reading it, she had tears streaming down her face and the first thing she asked was, “Are you terminally ill?” He wasn’t, but three years later Richard had a pulmonary embolism. He instantly died in his sleep at the age of 45.
However tragic, however devastating, Richard’s words brought comfort and healing to a grieving heart. Kristine said, “I remember his letter to me – the best gift ever given. All the Tiffany pouches and other beautiful things that money can buy pale in comparison to the evident love that leaps from these pages. There is one thing that I know with every breath and every fiber of my being, and it is that love is truly eternal and lasts forever. It is the core of our connection and expression of life; it is where Richard will remain pure and alive.”
So, how would you answer that question, “If you had an hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say, and why are you waiting?”
None of us knows how long we have to live – and what a blessing it is – because it encourages us to live now, to live in the present moment. It encourages us to not take life for granted, to be grateful for what we have and to treat life as a miracle.
I’m grateful for the hospice workers that helped my mom in her final days – many of you have been blessed by their compassionate care – I think they’re Saints. One hospice worker said, half kidding, “I keep waiting for one person to look back on their life and say to me, ‘I wish I had been more uptight.’”
If we all take just a moment to think about it, I’d say we all know in our hearts that when we look back on our lives, we won’t wish we had worried about trivial things – or the small stuff! Since we know that someday we’re all going to die, and that the closer we get to that time we’re going to look back on our lives and reflect upon what’s really important – so why not start living that way today?
If we had an hour to live, there are probably some people we wouldn’t call – probably not our financial planner, or stockbroker or banker – they’re all great people – but, as Richard told Kris, “The last thing on my mind would be how much money I had made during my lifetime or, for that matter, how much I had left. We spend so much of our lives collecting achievements and then identifying ourselves with them. Yet with an hour to live, those achievements don’t seem very relevant.”
He goes on to say, “I wouldn’t be checking in at the office to see what last minute projects I might be able to check off my list! After all, my inbox is always full. Likewise, I wouldn’t be calling anyone who owed me any money, or anyone who had wronged me in any way during my lifetime. I wonder how much time I fretted away, over the years, thinking about that kind of stuff. It’s not worth one second’s thought. With the time I have left, I choose to allow my thoughts to rest in total peace, right here, right now in this precious moment.”
You know, life isn’t about keeping track. Oh, that takes so much energy. It’s easier and a lot more fun to simply give things away and be happy about it. You know, in the long run, it takes less energy to give than it does to receive, and what’s more, giving provides its own source of joy – a deep, inner joy. When you give something away, whether it’s your love, compassion, an idea, your energy, an insight, some money, a possession, creativity, passion, time, some kindness or whatever else you have to offer, it feels really good! Richard wrote, “I’ve never regretted an act of kindness, and I’ve never met a single person in my entire life who said to me, ‘I wish I had been less kind or less generous.’”
“One last thing,” he goes on to say, “If I had an hour to live, I wouldn’t be calling the lawyer who will be handling all my “stuff” after I’m gone…and there seems to be so much stuff to deal with. I had to buy it, clean it, store it, keep it, insure it, keep track of it, find places for it, move it around, replace and update it, and now in the end, decide who gets it next. Who cares?”
I love this – the romantic in me – and remember this is a love story given on an anniversary – “No, if I had an hour to live and I could make only one call, it would be to my life partner, Kris.” Awww…
Then he goes on to say all of the great things about their relationship – he talks about all of the laughter, sharing time with their children and more laughter. He said, “I don’t always know whether she’s laughing at me or with me, but whichever it is, she helps me to not take myself, or life, very seriously.”
So, what would you say? Here are some things Richard said to Kris… “Kris, I want you to know how much I love and cherish you and our relationship. Thank you for accepting me, flaws and all. You always en-couraged me to follow my heart and when I forgot to listen, you’d sit quietly with me and place my hand on my heart to help remind me. You always told me that following my heart was far more important than any amount of success, and that what you wanted most was for me to be happy. Thank you for holding my hand during our walks.”
The list goes on. This love story is an example of what is possible in any relationship. We can all take the time to notice and appreciate the gifts of any significant person, whether it’s a spouse, parent, child, brother, sister, teacher or friend. Why do we hold back what is in our hearts and take for granted those special people with whom we spend the most time?
People want to know that they lived well, and loved well, and each of us has the power to share this gift. The most important question we can ask is what kind of relationships do we want to have, and how can we nourish others so that we are nourished? Why wait to share the meaning of those relationships and withhold the gift of the most extraordinary kind of love – our heartfelt appreciation.
It’s not too late – use the time wisely.
Be empowered!
Pastor Dan
P.S. You are invited to attend The Met Church and hear the MLK Community Choir in concert, January 30th at 6pm. Free Admission. More info at www.themetchurch.org.
