If you’re like me, PATIENCE is something that doesn’t come naturally. Even at the beginning of the year I have to work on it—I have to take those moments where I have to count to ten, or maybe more—before I respond to something (or someone!) that’s making my patience run thin. Can you relate?
I was reading in the Daily OM that patience means being centered in our bodies. When you’re in a hurry, you can almost feel that your energy is “dislocated” – as if it’s reaching forward out of your body trying to get to your desired goal. It’s a very unbalanced feeling, and causes us to make mistakes and be clumsy in our actions.
You might go through an entire day feeling this way and never realize that impatience is at the root of the situation. In a perfect world, I like to begin each day by taking time just to be still, observing my thoughts and desires without acting on them or following them…just letting them wander. It’s okay to simply let them arise and disappear, as we remain seated and centered.
One of the definitions of patience is long wrath or slow anger. This basically means that you handle your anger slowly.
There’s a story on the Hebrew Writings where Moses shared these words with the crowd as they were wandering around in the desert, “God is compassionate and gracious. God is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Moses was literally talking about patience here. God is slow to anger.
Patience is an attribute of God – or of heightened spirituality. Here we see the attribute of God’s patience – God is slow to anger. Many times people think that being angry is wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s when it’s uncontrolled that we get into trouble. We’re also reminded in Ancient Writings to not let the sun go down on our anger.
So when I lose my patience, the emotion I feel most of the time is anger. It just wells up in me. What is the root of impatience? Anger. And it gets dangerous when its uncontrolled anger. Remember patience is “slow anger.”
I don’t believe anger in itself is wrong. But when anger is not controlled or disciplined, it begins to rage and go into all forms of impatience. It’s not very pretty. Remember, it isn’t about NOT being angry, it’s about managing anger. Here are seven keys from Bill Maxwell to manage anger:
1. Resolve to manage it
The truth is that anger can be managed. In fact, anger for a just cause, managed correctly, is a powerful attribute. We get angry about injustice. And aren’t there times when your anger literally motivates you to do something about the injustice?
Now, here’s where the problem comes in. When I’ve talked to people who have a real problem with anger, they’ll say, “I just can’t help myself. I just blow up.” Don’t make excuses. Yes, you can manage it. Yes, you can control it.
Here’s an example. Let’s say that you’re really mad at your spouse or a family member or friend. It doesn’t matter what you’re mad about, but you’re yelling and screaming. You’re pointing fingers and all that stuff. I mean you’re really giving it to them.
Your cell phone goes off. Remember, you’re not a happy camper. But you answer the phone, “Hello.” (Said in the sweetest voice you can muster) Aren’t we sweet?
Sure you can control it. You can choose when you’re going to be angry. Resolve to manage it.
2. Realize the cost
Anger is one letter away from danger. Someone once said, “You never get to the top when you keep blowing your top.” And, “When you lose your temper, you lose.” Uncontrolled anger can destroy relationships.
3. Reflect before reacting
Catch yourself and pull back for a moment. Simmer a little bit. Taking that moment to understand what’s happening to you, your feelings and your reactions.
And haven’t we all had those moments when we said something and then five minutes later, we thought, “Oh, I wish I wouldn’t have said that.”
Thomas Jefferson, in his book Rules for Living, said, “When you’re angry, count to 10 before you speak. And when you’re very angry, count to 100.”
4. Release your anger appropriately
There are right ways and wrong ways to do this. How do you respond to anger? You have four possible options, and two of them don’t work. Guess which ones?
A. Don’t deny it.
If you’re angry or upset with someone, don’t act like you aren’t. At times, I think it’s healthy to let people know you’re angry with what they’ve done…so that you can resolve the issue and heal the relationship.
B. Don’t suppress it.
Show me a depressed person and I’ll show you an angry person that has suppressed anger for so long, they’ve stuffed it deep inside. Did you know that one of the leading causes of depression is suppressed anger?
C. Confess it.
There’s nothing wrong with this. If you really want to know how to release anger in a correct way, just read the Psalms. David did a marvelous job venting to God how he felt and what he thought.
D. Express it.
Learn to express anger in positive, healthy ways. Everyone needs to have some way to release anger that doesn’t hurt anyone else. Some good ways are sports, exercise, a good workout, a brisk walk, a run, going to the ocean or hiking in the mountains.
5. Re-pattern your mind
The way you think determines how you feel. The way you feel determines how you act. So, your beliefs control your behavior.
6. Associate with other people who are patient
Anger is contagious. And it’s a learned behavior. The Proverb writer says, “Don’t hang around with those kinds of people, because if you do, you’ll find yourself becoming an increasingly angry person.”
7. Rely on God’s help
Why not? More than just an attribute to be cultivated, patience can be an energetic experience. When you are patient, when you resist reaching out to grab the first thing you think you want, when you are able to sit still and simply observe without reacting, you begin to see the world more fully and clearly. And most importantly, you discover the deep, quiet power of PATIENCE.
Here’s to patience in your life—it’s okay—don’t be in a hurry.
Be empowered!
Pastor Dan
P.S. You are invited to attend The Met Church and hear the MLK Community Choir in concert, January 30th at 6 pm. Free Ad-mission. More info at www.themet-church.org.
Rev. Dan Koeshall is the Senior Pastor at The Metropolitan Community Church (The Met) in San Diego, California www.themetchurch.org
