Young people are often easy victims due to lack of support and experience. A seemingly small insult can be unbearable to a child who doesn’t have the love of parents and friends. In adulthood, things can get better, as they have a chance to build the “families of choice” that empower so many in our community.
That support can fade with time. Friends move, or pass. Many in their 60s and 70s were the support network for those ravaged by AIDS. Ironically, some LGBT seniors move to less accepting hometowns to care for parents who accepted them recently, if at all. Seniors looking to make new friends run head first into an ugly fact: the older people are, the less likely they are to be accepting of homosexuality.
The financial issues facing LGBT seniors can be equally daunting, as most legislative and cultural LGBT victories are too localized, or too recent to help them. Many lost financial support from their parents and family by coming out of the closet. Those nearing retirement don’t need an employment non-discrimination act (ENDA) now; they needed it 30 years ago, when it might have protected their pension and retirement benefits. Medical bills have drowned some seniors who weren’t eligible for their partner’s health insurance.
Perhaps the biggest hurdle to a fiscal retirement safety net for LGBT seniors is the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). For more than 2 million federal employees, DOMA precludes benefits for domestic partners. Even in states with marriage equality, DOMA prevents same-sex spouses from receiving their partner’s social security benefits, including the small burial benefit.
Throughout their lives, LGBT Americans pay extra legal fees just to minimize the additional taxes paid on health insurance, inheritance and child rearing. The tsunami built by this lifetime of financial discrimination can destroy even the best support system.
It’s hard to know exactly how many LGBT seniors are affected by these financial issues because no one is keeping track. The same lack of data plagues analyses of health care. Most studies of LGBT senior health loosely blend data on the entire LGBT community with data on American seniors, rather than comparing LGBT seniors to their straight counterparts.
Still, groups like Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders (SAGE) offer some specifics. Because of hostility in the health care system, LGB, and especially transgender Americans, are more likely to delay routine screenings for cancer and other conditions, leaving them vulnerable to advanced disease. Some chronic medical conditions, like asthma and diabetes, attack LGBT seniors up to 10 years sooner than their straight counterparts. Older lesbians and gay men are also more likely to suffer from depression and psychological distress, just like our youth.
Sadly, even bullying can reappear, not as fights on a playground, but as mistreatment in health care facilities. Until President Obama’s recent executive order, hospitals in many states could refuse to recognize members of our “families of choice” as decision makers, or event legitimate visitors. For LGBT patients who could not express a preference, an estranged parent or sibling could trump the decision of a life-long friend or partner.
Yet even the best legislation is hard pressed to stop personal biases, like the nurse who refuses to help a male-to-female transgender woman with her make-up, or the priest who suggests that the best way a dying lesbian might save her soul is by not holding her partners hand.
Before condemning the nurse and priest for their callous treatment, look in the mirror and do a gut check. Would you say “Hi” to a 60-year-old at Rich’s? Would you invite him or her to your group’s next event? Or would you close ranks with your crew, snicker about the “creepy old guy” at the bar, and request “Forever Young”?
The fact is, our youth-obsessed culture adds to the isolation of LGBT seniors, particularly gay men. When older gays question their appearance and self-worth, too many of us nod in agreement. Instead of validating the importance of their experience, we wonder why they came to bring down the party.
The It Gets Better campaign (itgetsbetter.org) has put a spotlight on the isolation and depression that plague LGBT youth. Unfortunately, our seniors suffer the same problems, but on a dark stage. It’s past time to shine a light on our senior players, and make sure they are part of our political and social, agenda.
Information cited in this column and more about the issues facing LGBT seniors, can be found at sageusa.org.
It gets better for who? I suffer more bullying than ever now and I’m middle agedBi man. I always fight these battles alone and that makes me even angier. My wife is always supportive as she was alwasy a lesbian but she also always afraid of neighbor gangs and bullies too. I have always stood up alone to them. I was recently attacked and the police of Chula Vist a are not calling it a hate crime when it is. No they seem to think it’s a gay person own fault and they deserve to be attacked. I’ve got hundreds of horror stories like this one and always it’s getting worse not better here I can tell you. I must go to courts and force the courts to give me a TRO on the bully gangs of homophobes and idiots. It’s has been several times now and still not enough police protectect in our neighborhoods. And nice gay retarded young man was shot recently and they just covered up the whole part about him being gay. We need a group of support for victims of crimes and help prevent crime to our people. I also like to suggest that we all arm ourselves and learn to shoot and fire your weapons for our own securlty because lets face it, who’s going to care about us and saving our gay butts more than us. I am armed and proud and going to stand up for myself. We shouldn’t be bullyed for being LGBT anymore and if we had a gun club and other stuuf like that and all got weapons I think thugs will think twice before they try their crap. More beautiful gay people would be alive I’m sure if they had handguns to protect themselves. We’re not going to take it anymore. Angry armed Bi man somewhere in SD. All I’m saying is don’t bully me anymore!